Why do you love steam convos?

[Svode]

9:29 PM - abp: !mps
9:29 PM - abp: well, i give up
9:29 PM - abp left chat.

 

[Auwi]

 

[Cartfridge]

I have a hard time understanding why there isn't a "kinky" rating for this thread yet, considering what's been posted so far.

 

[Idolon]

[11:47 AM] abp: got myself some COFFEE time to um
[11:47 AM] abp: do something

 

[Idolon]

[8:17 PM] abp: does ido still want dixie played
[8:22 PM] Muddy: i'd like to have my dixie played
[8:22 PM] Muddy: i regret saying that

 

[Pocket]

Please tell me someone made a joke like *whips out banjo and starts playing*

 

[Svode]

Please tell me someone made a joke like *whips out banjo and starts playing*

I'm so confused between if people are talking about the song, the map, or the... um..

 

[Tumby]

[10:06 PM] Seba: http://i.imgur.com/q7iyl3a.png what did he say
[10:07 PM] Howling Techie: Ah Fuck
[10:07 PM] ynders: heck me
[10:07 PM] chin: fuck me
[10:07 PM] phi: Holy Shit
[10:07 PM] chin: jesus christ
[10:07 PM] ynders: never forget
[10:07 PM] Yrrzy: god no
[10:07 PM] ynders: kill me
[10:08 PM] chin: no please
[10:08 PM] Howling Techie: Bastion OP
[10:08 PM] phi: I'm Gay
[10:08 PM] Yrrzy: whoops mistake
[10:08 PM] chin: Im gay lmao
[10:08 PM] Yrrzy: not worth
[10:08 PM] Jetamo: "Doesn't Work"
[10:08 PM] phi: Bury Me
[10:08 PM] ynders: no thanks
[10:09 PM] Jetamo: are we suddenly playing quiplash
[10:09 PM] Tekku: "Cyka Blyat"
[10:09 PM] ynders: rush b
[10:09 PM] chin: no stop
[10:09 PM] Tekku: "Fuck @chin"
[10:09 PM] Seba: give ayveepee
[10:09 PM] chin: https://cdn.discordapp.com/emojis/231835537684561921.png
[10:09 PM] Yrrzy: wrong sister

EDIT: I should have probably changed the [at]chin thing. oh well

 

[LeSwordfish]

RodionJenga: did somebody say imp
Muddy: nope
Muddy: no imp
Tye: never imp
[5]VBot: Dallas server is now on pl_enclosure_rc2a - 19/24 - join: steam://connect/66.150.214.251:27015
Muddy: welp

 

[Svode]

Erk: can I print myself some friends with one of those printing doohickies
Blank: no
Erk: oh

 

[Crowbar]

Crowbar//read the 72 hr post: probably they do
Square: not doign any location based stuff
iiboharz #tf2jam: thank god
Crowbar//read the 72 hr post: dont quote me on that
Nuke-m: Waa..wa.it a second
Nuke-m: I just realised a flaw in my plan
Invalid nick entered chat.
Muddy @ Berry's: "dont quote me on that" -crowbar

 

[Idolon]

[8:48 AM] Howling Techie: I just saw a porn gif and it was like homebrew porn or w/e it's called and one of the people in it had one of those security anklets on
[8:48 AM] Howling Techie: Stay classy
[9:24 AM] ido: "homebrew porn"
[9:25 AM] ido: thats more or less an accurate term
[9:25 AM] ido: but i just like the idea that you gotta
[9:25 AM] ido: jailbreak your genitals
[9:26 AM] Seba: be careful not to brick your dick

 

[athena]

Flamecat42 (In VC): I'd like to see that decompiled.

 

[Hyperion]

20.40 - UEAKCrash: my IQ dropped with shots
20.40 - Muddy @ Berry's: i still love how he tried to ping you by linking your youtube channel]
20.40 - Nuke-m: Diov more like Yoav
20.40 - UEAKCrash: and empty stomach
20.40 - Zahndar: http://imgur.com/a/vr5cx like this nuke
20.40 - Crowbar: did you have to take shots after the conversation
20.40 - UEAKCrash: but I'm drinking tacos now

 

[Berry]

20:49 - The Hotel Detective: I
20:49 - The Hotel Detective: HEARD
20:49 - The Hotel Detective: ANUS
20:49 - The Hotel Detective: TRUST ME
20:49 - (ツ) S>Unusual: you cant hear text Hotel
20:49 - The ANUS Detective: I WOULD KNOW

 

[athena]

1:38 PM - Zahndar: that was probably me asg
1:38 PM - Zahndar: i delievered A LOT of beer to those aliens at watergate
1:38 PM - void~: yes
1:39 PM - Flamecat42: what if the aliens were an engineer all along
1:39 PM - Flamecat42: and he needed more beer for rancho relaxo
1:40 PM - Zahndar: and the real aliens are those guys turtling up at the top of the map?
1:40 PM - Flamecat42: yep

and a less funny one

1:43 PM - AsG_Alligator: time to deliver unknown fragments to the engineer im trying to unlock
1:43 PM - AsG_Alligator: Prof. Palin
1:43 PM - AsG_Alligator: or how most people call him
1:44 PM - AsG_Alligator: Prof. Pain in the Ass
1:44 PM - Zahndar: savage
1:44 PM - Flamecat42: Prof. Pro-fessional ass pain.

EDIT: got another one for y'all

3:54 PM - Flamecat42: what if robots got so smart they tried to fail the turing test so people would think they're dumber than they really are
3:54 PM - Flamecat42:
3:55 PM - LeSwordfish: beep boop, son
3:55 PM - Flamecat42: shit
3:55 PM - Flamecat42: the robots have invaded tf2maps.net
3:55 PM - Flamecat42: get your recaptcha fellas

 

[Nuke]

When you just want to puzzle:

Nuke-m: lol nice question : "You are in the race. You just beated/bested last runner in it. What position in race are you on right now?"
Zahndar: hi berry
Nuke-m: Bi herry
Crowbar: 0bHERRY
Berry: 1st place?
Zahndar: 2nd last?
Berry: but then how were they in last place
Crowbar: yeah
Crowbar: cant
Nuke-m: 2nd from last is logical one but it's incorrect
Nuke-m: right answer is that it's impossible - you can't beat last runner, cause if you did, he wasn't last in the first place
Crowbar: yes
LeSwordfish: sure you can
LeSwordfish: win the race
RodionJenga: ok that's stupid
Berry: what if you lap them
LeSwordfish: you beat the last runner
Crowbar: lefish, "just"
LeSwordfish: you beat all the other runners too
RodionJenga: there's a difference between overall last and instantaneous last
Crowbar: like, just got in front of them
LeSwordfish: "just" as in "only recently happened"
Berry: what if you take out a big stick and beat them to death
LeSwordfish: not as in "only"
Berry: then you beat the last runner
Nuke-m: just as in "right right afyer"
Nuke-m: after&
Crowbar: i mean only recently beated as in, like
Crowbar: you were after but now are before them
Zahndar: is that how you run races berry?
Berry: yes
Zahndar: with a huge stick in your pocket
LeSwordfish: "you are in a race. you just kicked the last runner to death. what position are you in now"
LeSwordfish: "jail"
RodionJenga: there's always a huge stick in my pocket
Nuke-m: xddd
Berry: to be fair you're probably around last place if you're running around with big sticks
LeSwordfish: do you also speak softly
Crowbar: and they call you a racist
Nuke-m: Then bring Uzi
RodionJenga: or first if you're hitting people
Nuke-m: and shoot them to death
RodionJenga: nah man it's all about stick-beating
Nuke-m: stick beating the stick man with stick
Crowbar: do you know male racers pu patches on nipples when running so they dont get damaged because of rubbing on the shirt
Crowbar: put*
Crowbar: racers = runners
Crowbar: gah
RodionJenga: yes, i've heard that
Crowbar: might as well remove patches of other racers if you manage to do that on the run
RodionJenga: i mean it sounds ludicrous but i'm sure my nipples aren't the pointiest
RodionJenga: high enough pickpocket skill you can steal other runner's nipple shields
Crowbar: need that as a skill in fallout or sometinig
RodionJenga: it's akin to the slipping live grenades into pockets thing
Crowbar: stealing someones patch and watch them slowly and painfully die
RodionJenga: sounds legit
Zahndar: you just gotta crouch behind them for 100% chance to be able to steal their nipple patches
LeSwordfish: nipchafed to death
Nuke-m: this turned really dark
LeSwordfish: like one of those chinese tortures
Nuke-m: really fast
Crowbar: lol what lefish
Crowbar: tell me more
Zahndar: idk
Zahndar: this is less dark than kicking them to death probably
Crowbar: that sounds like a nice way of torturing
RodionJenga: i'm envisioning that meme where the person falls off the bike
LeSwordfish: water torture, bamboo torture, running in circles without nipplepatches torture
RodionJenga: ancient chinese nipplechafe torture
Crowbar: what about the Greek or whatever torture
RodionJenga: oh that's just a fancy word for sodomy
Crowbar: where the person is put inside a hollow bull statue of copper and fire is made under the bull
RodionJenga: oh that nvm
Nuke-m: this entire chat is forum worthy lel
RodionJenga: was that a common thing? or did it happen to like, one person
Berry: now hang on
Crowbar: also, now i get the lyrics of one song
Berry: a second ago you were talking about running races
Berry: now it's torture?
Nuke-m: read entire chat
RodionJenga: yeah read back, it made sense
Crowbar: "I was running in circles, I hurt myself"
Zahndar: dont read entire chat berry
Zahndar: its not worth it
Nuke-m: kek
[5]VBot: oh for gods sake, dont say kek, what are you 12
Berry: you know that's there to discourage you from saying kek
RodionJenga: tl;dr running without protection can make you bleed

Now we can cut this out of context:

LeSwordfish on topic of punishing cheaters on TF2M servers: "water torture, bamboo torture, running in circles without nipplepatches torture"
In response, TF2M members: "that sounds like a nice way of torturing" and "oh that's just a fancy word for sodomy".

 

[BeepSterr]

void~: step aside, boys
void~: i got this
void~: !update neon neon_v2 https://tf2maps.net/downloads/neon.3829/
[8]VBot: You are either not an admin or this isn't your map!
nesman: HA
void~: fuck you

 

[BigfootBeto]

 

[Idolon]

[8:37 AM] omni: are her pistols hitscan?
[8:38 AM] omni: if not you have to consider whether or not the projectile travels fast enough to catch up to his acceleration
[8:39 AM] omni: if sonic travels at 1118 m/s and tracer has an average 0.25 second reaction time, sonic would have traveled 279.5 meters before she even pulls the trigger
[8:40 AM] omni: plus that means for a 100m dash sonic would win before tracer can even shoot him
[11:23 AM] Torb Gay: they are hitscan yes
[12:49 PM] Custard Gas: does sonic ever move that fast in-game though
[12:49 PM] Custard Gas: seems like it would be a sort of unfair comparison otherwise
[12:50 PM] Custard Gas: also doesn't tracer cover a lot more area in a short amount of time in the comic
[12:52 PM] omni: it doesn't matter how fast she is if she has normal human reaction time
[12:52 PM] omni: sonic's max speed is like 2-3x faster than it needs to be in order for him to finish the race before tracer could even fire
[12:53 PM] omni: if she has to unholster and then aim first (presumably that's only fair) then she's even more screwed
[12:54 PM] Custard Gas: it's a hologram
[12:54 PM] omni: I think it's fair to say that hitscan weaponry travels at the speed of light rather than being literally instant but we don't need to take that into account unless the numbers get really close
[12:55 PM] omni: the missing factor here is really sonic's acceleration
[12:55 PM] omni: how quickly does he accelerate to his top speed?
[12:56 PM] omni: if he accelerates too slowly that's the only thing that could really bring him down here
[12:57 PM] omni: the internet seems to say he can accelerate to at least the speed of sound "instantly"
[12:57 PM] omni: if that's the case then he definitely wins before tracer can even react to the start of the race
[12:58 PM] omni: I guess sonic must have a reaction time too though
[12:58 PM] omni: there probably isn't any data on sonic's reaction time online though
[12:59 PM] omni: luckily, I was actually able to find data on the reaction time of a live hedgehog online
[1:00 PM] omni: it's faster than human reaction time by a wide enough margin that he still wins
[1:03 PM] omni: overall I'm going to say in a 100m dash sonic absolutely wins every time
[1:03 PM] omni: if you increase the distance then eventually tracer will have enough time to fire and her projectile will catch up because it's moving at light speed
[1:04 PM] nolodi: i would also consider her accuracy in that situation
[1:04 PM] omni: I think at like 400m she has a chance to start winning at least
[1:04 PM] nolodi: say it takes her 2 seconds to aim and fire, the fastest version of sonic is almost a mile out
[1:04 PM] omni: alright I guess I need to make a graph now
[1:05 PM] omni: I never thought I would be making a graph titled "probability of sonic beating tracer for race distance"
[1:05 PM] nolodi: do we wanna assume that tracer has infinite accuracy or should that be a factor
[1:05 PM] omni: yeah but that factors into the probability specifically rather than whether she can win at all
[1:05 PM] nolodi: tru
[1:05 PM] omni: unless we want to choose a p-value that designates sucess
[1:06 PM] nolodi: yeah that's what im curious about
[1:06 PM] omni: I could make the graph 3D I guess and include accuracy
[1:06 PM] nolodi: cause i feel like that graph would start really low, peak at some distance where tracer has time to react, and then it tails off where sonic gets further and further away over time
[1:06 PM] nolodi: pun not intended
[1:07 PM] omni: actually I think it's going to rapidly increase for tracer as he gets further
[1:07 PM] omni: her projectile is like 200,000 times faster than sonic is
[1:07 PM] omni: so a longer race just gives her more time to aim
[1:07 PM] nolodi: mm
[1:07 PM] omni: although the aim point gets smaller
[1:08 PM] nolodi: im just thinking that at a certain distance a 1 degree difference makes or breaks the shot
[1:08 PM] omni: much less than one degree
[1:08 PM] nolodi: sure
[1:08 PM] omni: actual humans can shoot below 1 MOA with good rifles
[1:08 PM] omni: that would be pretty insane with a pistol though
[1:08 PM] nolodi: im sure there's graphs out there on pistol accuracy vs. distance
[1:09 PM] omni: then again it's a lightspeed laser pistol so it's kind of unique
[1:09 PM] omni: there's no bullet drop or wind
[1:09 PM] omni: don't even need to worry about barrel quality or anything
[1:09 PM] nolodi: yeah
[1:10 PM] omni: if you pretend the gun is perfectly collimated and she has a scope I don't think shooting anything you can see would be a problem
[1:10 PM] omni: if the pistol has any spread she's just screwed though
[1:10 PM] nolodi: yeah
[1:10 PM] nolodi: im just thinking like
[1:10 PM] nolodi: assuming max speed sonic, he's going a mile every 3 seconds
[1:11 PM] Torb Gay: Her pistols don't fire the bullets
[1:11 PM] nolodi: i guess at some point the distance is negligible because she's had enough time to aim?
[1:11 PM] omni: if there's no spread and she has magnification yes
[1:11 PM] omni: I know snipers have successfully killed people from miles away with conventional rifles
[1:11 PM] nolodi: what i mean is like
[1:13 PM] nolodi: there's a point where she's had enough time to aim that sonic is most likely dead
[1:13 PM] nolodi: anything before that, and sonic wins cause she hasnt had enough time to aim
[1:13 PM] nolodi: anything after that doesnt matter cause he's already been shot
[1:14 PM] nolodi: i think that was well established already and im rambling
[1:14 PM] omni: the problem is figuring out how the shot difficulty changes with time and distance
[1:14 PM] nolodi: time and distance can be the same i think
[1:14 PM] nolodi: so it'd be a 2d graph
[1:14 PM] Torb Gay: You're not really factoring in all of the variables though
[1:14 PM] omni: if we assume she has no spread (pretty much required) then we end up having to deal with some unusual aiming problems
[1:14 PM] omni: like the size of the reticle
[1:15 PM] omni: once someone is a certain distance away you would need a reticle thinner than a human hair to aim at them
[1:15 PM] omni: (fun fact the US govt during WWII used human hairs for airplane bombing reticles, they're really strong and thin)
[1:15 PM] omni: she definitely needs a scope since he's going to be miles away when she starts aiming
[1:15 PM] Torb Gay: Tracer can manipulate time so she doesn't really need "time to aim" because she can basically do that instantly
[1:15 PM] nolodi: accuracy would be a factor of two things: how fast is sonic moving relative to the vector from tracer to sonic, and what is the acceptable error in angle to hit sonic from the distance
[1:15 PM] omni: that's not the problem colossal
[1:16 PM] omni: tracer can't do anything until the race starts
[1:16 PM] omni: so she can't stop time until she can react to the start signal
[1:16 PM] Torb Gay: Also her guns don't shoot boolets, so it's unlikely they'd behave like modern guns at all
[1:16 PM] omni: we're already modelling them as firing lightspeed pulses of energy
[1:17 PM] nolodi: modelling for error in angle seems relatively easy but i have no idea how to account for the movement speed
[1:17 PM] omni: well assuming she can aim at the dead center of his position wrt the perspective vanishing point, you could ignore his movement
[1:17 PM] omni: because it would hit him at any distance
[1:17 PM] nolodi: mm
[1:18 PM] nolodi: yeah i was wondering how far apart they are
[1:18 PM] nolodi: or if they're both on the same line
[1:18 PM] omni: if they're on an infinite flat plane and he runs in a straight line his movement can be ignored completely
[1:18 PM] Torb Gay: You're forgetting that Tracer is also a lesbian
[1:19 PM] nolodi: well i mean if they're running on two parallel lines that are some distance apart, or if they're on the same line
[1:19 PM] nolodi: (and if tracer can move over to his line)
[1:19 PM] omni: oh right, they wouldn't be behind each other
[1:20 PM] nolodi: assuming they're on the same line does make this much easier but that's a less fun graph
[1:20 PM] omni: I don't see why she can't move over to his line but yeah if they're parallel it's a harder shot
[1:20 PM] Torb Gay: She could just run alongside him and shoot him
[1:20 PM] omni: no
[1:20 PM] nolodi: eek
[1:20 PM] Torb Gay: Why not
[1:20 PM] omni: by the time she can react at all he's like a mile away
[1:20 PM] nolodi: if we allow her to move then we have to factor in what direction she runs
[1:21 PM] Torb Gay: Forward, I assume
[1:21 PM] nolodi: running towards his line makes the shot easier to line up
[1:21 PM] nolodi: so do you run straight forward to minimize distance, do you run straight sideways to minimize possible error in the shot, or do you run in some vector between?
[1:21 PM] omni: presumably she wants to run directly towards sonic's current position + an offset of the distance light would travel in the time it would take her to catch up to his current position
[1:22 PM] nolodi: theres a way to model this
[1:22 PM] nolodi: some curve
[1:22 PM] omni: that is, she's running towards where the gun would need to be aimed to intersect with his path if she were to shoot right now
[1:22 PM] nolodi: i watched a vsauce video about it
[1:22 PM] omni: kind of like the one ghost in pacman
[1:22 PM] omni: that always heads for the tile in front of you
[1:23 PM] nolodi: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brachistochrone_curve
[1:23 PM] Torb Gay: What if Sonic turns into Super Sonic
[1:23 PM] omni: also if she contintually heads towards him then her velocity vector will asymptotically apprach the same line he's on
[1:23 PM] Torb Gay: he'd be able to go faster than light, then could dodge Tracer's gunfire
[1:24 PM] omni: no sonic doesn't go faster than light
[1:24 PM] Torb Gay: He does as Super Sonic
[1:24 PM] omni: no
[1:24 PM] omni: no ftl travel
[1:24 PM] Torb Gay: Why not?
[1:24 PM] Torb Gay: Is it not realistic?
[1:24 PM] nolodi: if thats the case then i think the model would just say "if sonic goes super then he wins"
[1:24 PM] omni: yes it's not realistic
[1:24 PM] Torb Gay: Because I don't think a time ghost lesbian racing and murdering a blue hedgehog is very realistic either
[1:25 PM] omni: a fast hedgehog racing a lesbian with a laser gun is still within the realm of physical possibility
[1:25 PM] Torb Gay: two laser guns*
[1:26 PM] Torb Gay: Make sure the duality of her firearms factors into your model
[1:26 PM] omni: I think at the distances she would be firing, she would want to use a telecentric lens for her scope
[1:26 PM] omni: I'm not aware of anything actually using a telecentric lens for a sniper rifle but it seems perfect for this
[1:26 PM] omni: no matter how far away he goes he would still appear the same size
[1:27 PM] Torb Gay: Tracer could also use her ult to kill the sonic
[1:27 PM] omni: he would be too far away before she could
[1:28 PM] Torb Gay: She could catch up
[1:28 PM] omni: no
[1:28 PM] Torb Gay: she can literally send herself forward in time
[1:28 PM] nolodi: here's something we didnt consider: what if sonic doesnt run in a straight line
[1:28 PM] omni: not far enough
[1:28 PM] Torb Gay: In theory she has unlimited speed
[1:28 PM] Torb Gay: what if there are loops in sonic's lane?
[1:28 PM] omni: it wouldn't matter
[1:29 PM] omni: if sonic doesn't run in a straight line he would lose time though
[1:29 PM] Torb Gay: have we considered the direction of the race + planet's rotation?
[1:30 PM] omni: if tracer has a telecentric lens and her gun has no spread, then the instant she can user her time power she'll be able to fire the fatal shot
[1:30 PM] omni: no colossal we already decided this is on an infinite flat plane
[1:30 PM] Torb Gay: if the plane is infinite, where is the finish line?
[1:30 PM] Torb Gay: why would they be racing infinitely?
[1:30 PM] omni: they're not
[1:30 PM] omni: there's a finish line but it's not like the edge of the world
[1:30 PM] omni: although to be fair we have to take the gravitational pull of the plane on the light beam
[1:31 PM] omni: at some distance that would start to matter
[1:34 PM] nolodi: http://i.imgur.com/Fin6Ih6.png i like how the other chatroom i introduced this to is going in a much less scientific direction

[1:34 PM] omni: ugh let's just pretend sonic has zero rings
[1:34 PM] Torb Gay: no that's a good thing to bring up
[1:34 PM] nolodi: is sonic allowed to attack tracer
[1:35 PM] Torb Gay: he could just jump and dash at her
[1:35 PM] omni: I don't see why not but that's harder to quantify
[1:35 PM] Torb Gay: the other discord I introduced it to just said "Tracer" and now they're talking about Superman vs. Goku

[1:45 PM] omni: alright so right now my model is that tracer and sonic stand with the centers of their bodies D feet apart, on two parallel race tracks R feet long, on an infinite massless plane with no air resistance; sonic has an acceleration function A_s(t) defining his acceleration wrt time which can be integrated to obtain his position travelling in a straight line; tracer has reaction time R_t and sonic has reaction time R_s; tracer has acceleration function A_t(t) and follows a path that continually approaches the point ahead of the center of sonic such that a ray travelling at the speed of light towards that point such that the ray and the center of sonic would intersect the point at the same instant; tracer has a spread S in minutes of arc and a repeating fire rate F measured in pulses per second and is assumed to have infinitely precise eyesight aiming with an infinitely thin reticle; the goal is to calculate the probability of success for tracer given these variables, specifically by first finding a function defining her probability of success at a time t and then integrating the timewise success function Q(t) to obtain the overall probability of success Q
[1:46 PM] omni: that's obviously too many variables to put in a 2D graph but most of them like reaction time should be held constant anyway
[1:47 PM] omni: track length and tracer's spread are probably the best two to graph, and then adding time makes it 3D
[1:51 PM] omni: conclusion: tracer forfeits the race and then receives a nobel prize for discovering the world's first infinite massless plane