Tell Your Favorite Joke

[lana]

Man and Woman go to Party of friend, leaving tiny children in care of Caretaker. When at party, Caretaker telephones Parents, asking them if he is able to cover the clown statue in Children's bedroom, as it is frightening the Children.

Parents laugh, "Foolish Caretaker, we do not have clown statue!"

Caretaker and children found dead in the morning, parents rejoice, Weak caretaker and Frightened children not true soviets.

You ruined that story so much.

 

[Pooluke41]

You ruined that story so much.

He Did, Didn't he .

 

[Jakkarra]

Whacha Gonna do about it?

 

[Numerous]

Heard joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says "Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says "But Doctor... I am Pagliacci." Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains.

I <3 Watchmen. Rorscharch ftw.

Also:
What's blue and f***s grannies?

(the answer is below, in a really light colour. highlight it to find out)





Pneumonia

 

[Coflropter]

There was a theft at a local hardware store. All the robbers stole were a couple of ladders. The police are looking into it, but think it might happen again. They say additional steps will probably be taken.

Also

There was a theft at the local police station. The thief stole all the toilets. So far, the police have nothing to go on.

 

[lana]

What's blue and f***s grannies?

You

 

[Dr. ROCKZO]

Ok, a lot of this one is in the delivery. I'll do the best I can.

A woman has just finished having her child, she is regaining a state of calm, when the doctor walks in, with a sad look on his face.

"I've got some bad news, your boy's been born with a slight deformity."

"What does this mean,? She replied "Can I see him?"

The Doctor lead her on to another room, where a baby with no arms was crying in a cot.

"Is this my boy?" She asked.

"No, I'm afraid it's much worse"

They walked onwards, and saw in a cot, a baby with no arms or legs.

"Is this my boy?" She asked.

"No, it's a little worse than this."

Again, they walked onwards, where they found a baby in a cot, that was only a head.

"Is this my boy?"

"No, it's worse"

Finally, they reached the last cot in the room. There was an eye in it.

"Is this my boy?"

"Yes, I'm so sorry"

She was, naturally, a little shocked. After composing herself she asked

"Well, is he going to be able to live a normal life?"

"No," The Doctor replied."He's blind"

instantrimshot.com

 

[Omena]

Whenever I'm sad I cut myself......




......A piece of cheesecake!:O

 

[drp]

everyone who thanked penguin is getting banned

 

[LeSwordfish]

A woman working in the emergency services gets a call from a panicked man.

"My friend's dead!" the man says. "We were out hunting, and he suddenly went blue and stopped breathing, and fell down, and he isnt moving!"

"Ok, calm down" says the woman. "First of all, are you sure your friends dead?"

From the other end of the phone she hears a shot.

"Right, he's dead." said the man. "Now what?"

 

[Moose]

prestige playing demoman.

 

[Numerous]

The REAL joke is that this thread is a thinly veiled excuse that everyone uses to take potshots at stuff.

"Steam is a reliable service"
"Grazr falls out of the tree because he's drunk"
"Prestige sucks at demoman"

Etc.

 

[Jeremy]

A man walks into a bar and walks up to the bowl of peanuts. The peanuts say "You're a very nice man! I like you!". The man is puzzled, and heads over to the coffee machine. It snaps at him "Piss off, you ugly bastard!". So the man talks to the bartender and the bartender explains to him:
"The peanuts are complimentary, but the coffee machine is out of order."

 

[gamemaster1996]

So there's this man and he's having terouble with sex because he ejaculates premeturely.
So the next day he goes to Premeture Ejaculators Anomynous,
When he get's there he find that nobodys there.
He says 'Damn, i must have came too early'.

 

[Another Bad Pun]

My name is already a joke. HA.

 

[Mr. Wimples]

Dijon vu, the same mustard as before.

 

[Jeremy]

Person A: "Hey, don't touch that cheese!"
Person B: "Why not?"
Person A: "It's nacho cheese."

geddit?

 

[Omena]

S.T.A.L.K.E.R: Shadow of Fukushima

 

[LeSwordfish]

Person A: "Hey, don't touch that cheese!"
Person B: "Why not?"
Person A: "It's nacho cheese."

What sort of cheese can you use to hide a small horse?

Mascarpone