- Jan 13, 2008
- 146
- 57
TO: ROBIN WALKER
FROM: INTEL
Sir,
It has come to our attention that several employees of Team Fortress Industries have been breaking company policy... again.
Although we expect this kind of hoo-hah from those failures at Reliable Excavation Demolition, I regret to inform you that their illegal practices have spread to our division as well.
Like taking a two week leave and returning with a rotted groin, I find this extremely irritating.
It seems that many employees are altering their time cards, so that it appears that they have been working overtime, when all they are really doing is standing around that damn ping pong table all day, yappin' like a bunch'a school girls.
This would not be a problem if our incentive programs didn't exist... but they do, and all offenders must be penalized accordingly.
I have already suggested death by firing squad, but for some reason, the rest of our company has a problem with shooting their own men.
It seems they feel that the best way to control this situation would be to calculate the average time an employee spends in the field, add a few hours for bathroom breaks, and then filter out the "over-achievers". Once this is done, we can sneak into their footlockers and replace all incentive items with coal.
That's right. Coal.
It's cheap, causes cancer if inhaled, and it stains the fingers if eaten. In other words, it's the next best thing to beating them within an inch of their lives with an ammo box (which was my second suggestion - also denied.)
Considering the source of this criminal activity, I suggest you begin with penalizing all RED employees first. I don't know about you, but it would sure as heck make *my* job easier.
-Intel
FROM: INTEL
Sir,
It has come to our attention that several employees of Team Fortress Industries have been breaking company policy... again.
Although we expect this kind of hoo-hah from those failures at Reliable Excavation Demolition, I regret to inform you that their illegal practices have spread to our division as well.
Like taking a two week leave and returning with a rotted groin, I find this extremely irritating.
It seems that many employees are altering their time cards, so that it appears that they have been working overtime, when all they are really doing is standing around that damn ping pong table all day, yappin' like a bunch'a school girls.
This would not be a problem if our incentive programs didn't exist... but they do, and all offenders must be penalized accordingly.
I have already suggested death by firing squad, but for some reason, the rest of our company has a problem with shooting their own men.
It seems they feel that the best way to control this situation would be to calculate the average time an employee spends in the field, add a few hours for bathroom breaks, and then filter out the "over-achievers". Once this is done, we can sneak into their footlockers and replace all incentive items with coal.
That's right. Coal.
It's cheap, causes cancer if inhaled, and it stains the fingers if eaten. In other words, it's the next best thing to beating them within an inch of their lives with an ammo box (which was my second suggestion - also denied.)
Considering the source of this criminal activity, I suggest you begin with penalizing all RED employees first. I don't know about you, but it would sure as heck make *my* job easier.
-Intel
