If sentries existed IRL

Discussion in 'Team Fortress 2 Talk' started by notalbanian, Aug 11, 2009.

  1. notalbanian

    notalbanian L1: Registered

    Messages:
    36
    Positive Ratings:
    15
    ...then this would be how countries would deal with them.

    AMERICA: Attempt to negotiate with the sentry. When that fails, assemble a coalition against the sentry, Soldier-rush it, and watch the engineer demolish it then rebuild it somewhere else. Rinse and repeat until all Soldiers have been withdrawn or killed by the sentry.

    RUSSIA: The engineer died under mysterious circumstances. Putin denies responsibility. But either way, because the engineer is dead, the sentry never got built in the first place. When people get killed by the sentry anyway and the flaws in that logic are revealed, cover it up.

    CHINA: Send waves of Heavies to take out the sentry. When this fails, send more Heavies. It'll work eventually, since you have instant respawn.

    NORTH KOREA: You attempt to nuke the sentry, but the nuke only gets one-fourth of the way there before crashing in midair. Claim victory regardless.

    ISRAEL: Ask the Americans to destroy the sentry for you.

    SERBIA: Eliminate any engineers that look Bosnian.

    USSR: Send AK-47s to the engineer until he agrees to join your side.

    IRAN: Issue a fatwa against evil infidel Western sentries. When people demonstrate in favor of the sentry, build a sentry to kill the demonstrators.

    PAKISTAN: Claim that the Taliban was responsible for the sentry. Send in for Predator drones to bomb the sentry.

    SYRIA: You go to the UN and say that the sentry is violating international law. The sentry kills your ambassador.

    MEXICO: There are no sentries in Mexico. They all immigrated to America.

    VENEZUELA: Socialize wrenches. Without wrenches, the sentry can't be repaired, and you get ready to send a Demoman to kill it. Your plan is foiled when the measure to socialize wrenches is defeated in the elections.

    UKRAINE: Paint the sentry orange. You win the round.

    TURKMENISTAN: Ban engineers. The sentry gun is still there. Ban construction. The sentry gun is still there. Ban sentry guns. The sentry gun is still there. You have a heart attack, even though you banned heart attacks.

    SAUDI ARABIA: Send oil to the other team until they agree to destroy the sentry.

    TURKEY: Blame the sentry on a spy. Kill someone that you think is a spy, and deny that any of this ever happened for the next 90 years.
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 15
  2. drp

    aa drp

    Messages:
    2,251
    Positive Ratings:
    2,551
    awesome read. thanks :D
     
  3. UKCS-Alias

    aa UKCS-Alias Mann vs Machine... or... Mapper vs Meta?

    Messages:
    1,264
    Positive Ratings:
    748
    Then i know some more for you (ofcourse with a bit of sarcasm)

    NETHERLANDS: Say that engineers arent the problem and call the scouts that complain about the sentry building engineers a racist. In the mean time supply the engineers with dispensers from ammo that the scout had to give away.

    THE MATRIX: There is no sentry

    I liked the list because its just too true.
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 1
  4. Terr

    aa Terr Cranky Coder

    Messages:
    1,591
    Positive Ratings:
    405
    NIGERIA: Their nationally-acclaimed world-renowned expert Engineer has an as-yet-undisclosed plan to build a competing sentry-farm which will guarantee them riches beyond their wildest dreams: Allowing Nigerian players to successfully hold important resources against an attacking team and with a dispenser to create immense amounts of material wealth.

    Unfortunately, he needs just a little bit of metal in order to complete his dispenser, but you have been referred to him as a very reliable and discreet person who may be able to help. In return for your help building his dispenser, he is willing to enter an agreement to provide you with some of the metal, ammunition, and health that will be produced by this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
     
  5. Smetzle

    Smetzle L3: Member

    Messages:
    112
    Positive Ratings:
    51
    AUSTRALIA: Run five miles away and shoot it.
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 1
  6. Terr

    aa Terr Cranky Coder

    Messages:
    1,591
    Positive Ratings:
    405
    At the risk of being politically incorrect... The sentries in Australia can't run since there's no power in the wires, due to the "Stolen Power Generation".
     
  7. Smetzle

    Smetzle L3: Member

    Messages:
    112
    Positive Ratings:
    51
    Sentries run on batteries.
     
  8. x14u2cx

    x14u2cx L1: Registered

    Messages:
    17
    Positive Ratings:
    11
    France: Drop everything and surrender, then wait for your allies to take it out.
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 5
  9. The Political Gamer

    aa The Political Gamer

    Messages:
    4,468
    Positive Ratings:
    1,682
  10. Micnax

    aa Micnax I maek map

    Messages:
    2,021
    Positive Ratings:
    1,338
    United Kingdom: The sentry was stolen by chavs.
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 2
  11. Terr

    aa Terr Cranky Coder

    Messages:
    1,591
    Positive Ratings:
    405
    Hong Kong: The sentry is destroyed by a demoman to make room for a high-rise apartment building, whose rough english translation is "Happy Lucky Golden Dispenser".
     
  12. potatocubed

    potatocubed L1: Registered

    Messages:
    21
    Positive Ratings:
    7
    JAPAN: Designs smaller, deadlier sentry which also takes pictures and makes telephone calls. Pink 'Hello Kitty' variation is the most popular.

    GERMANY: While government dithers about banning sentries, German engineers get really good at sentry-building. Government bans sentries.

    TAIWAN: Builds everyone else's sentries.
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 1
  13. Gerbil

    aa Gerbil

    Messages:
    575
    Positive Ratings:
    376
    This gave me a good laugh. Awesome post. :p
     
  14. notalbanian

    notalbanian L1: Registered

    Messages:
    36
    Positive Ratings:
    15
    INDONESIA: Claim the sentry is Communist, and launch a long and pointless campaign to try and destroy it.

    ETHIOPIA: Use Scouts to run past the sentry.

    SUDAN: Commit genocide against the engineers.

    PALESTINE: By now, you're used to being killed by the sentry over and over again.

    BRAZIL: Invite the engineer to come to Rio. While he's at a beach, sap the sentry.

    SOUTH AFRICA: Separate sentries and engineers from everyone else.

    IRELAND : Send demomen to circle-strafe the sentry with their beer bottles. The demomen are so drunk that they won't notice they're dead.
     
  15. Terr

    aa Terr Cranky Coder

    Messages:
    1,591
    Positive Ratings:
    405
    Antarctica: Penguins are sentries, thank god they don't recognize people as enemies... yet.
     
  16. Malcolm

    Malcolm L3: Member

    Messages:
    123
    Positive Ratings:
    25
    SOMALIA: After years of bloody struggle, the sentry becomes a warlord controlling half the city of Mogadishu. A troop of BLU helmeted soldiers try to kill the sentry but fail epically. Ten years later, the movie based on this incident known as "BLU Dispenser Down" by Ridley Scott makes Millions of Dollars and gets some Oscars.
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 2
  17. FlavorRage

    FlavorRage L4: Comfortable Member

    Messages:
    197
    Positive Ratings:
    57
    Fixed. Israel's hardcore, man. They shoot first and ask questions later.
     
  18. Jimmy

    Jimmy L7: Fancy Member

    Messages:
    421
    Positive Ratings:
    222
    SCOTLAND: Demomen drink until they forget about the sentry, see the sentry and Rage at it and try and destroy it before they realise their dead. :D
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 1
  19. Warchamp7

    Warchamp7 L2: Junior Member

    Messages:
    73
    Positive Ratings:
    16
    CANADA: Play Hockey with the sentry
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 2
  20. Terr

    aa Terr Cranky Coder

    Messages:
    1,591
    Positive Ratings:
    405
    Quebec: Look down upon the sentry for not speaking French (let alone any other language) while the other areas of Canada play hockey with it.
    <portalturret>"Put me down!"</portalturret>
     
    Last edited: Aug 15, 2009