72hr The Short Anecdote Of The Origin Of The Machina's Tracer Rounds And Name 2017-02-13

Short story about the "Machina"

  1. Languste

    Languste L1: Registered

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  2. LeSwordfish

    aa LeSwordfish semi-trained quasi-professional

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    It's not bad, but keep an eye on your run-on sentences, you've got some very long sentences.
     
  3. Languste

    Languste L1: Registered

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    Thanks for your reply :D It is pretty much the first time I wrote such a story, I am no native speaker :p But next time I could make less complicated sentences and a more "compact" text leaving out unnecessary information :)