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Scout's Quest for Chicken

Tasty Salamanders

L1: Registered
Aug 2, 2017
Scout's Quest for Chicken - A TF2Maps 72 Hour Summer Jam fanfic

Scout's Quest for Chicken​

Inspired by “Expiration Date”, Scout's Deep-Fried Dummy costume, and my previous Summer Jam fic; “A Day in the Life of Heavy”. I am so sorry for anyone who reads this.


“Oh yeah, looking good, handsome!”
Scout admired the visage before him in the mirror, he was donned in the chicken costume which served as the mascot for the local fried chicken place after having 'borrowed it' from the previous owner.

Scout posed a little, “Yeah the ladies would kill to have someone like you!” Scout liked fried chicken, he liked the girls who liked it even more. He believed he knew what girls like that liked, whether it was true or just a delusion conjured up by himself had never crossed him mind. Why would it? Scout KNEW that the ladies loved the chicken man, and now he was the chicken man.

Taking off the costume, Scout carefully packed it in a bag and went to leave. Peaking carefully to check the coast was clear he made his way for the exit. Usually Scout was not so careful and while his teammates all had a thing for fancy hats and clothes, this would be something he would prefer not to explain to them. Still he rushed for the exit, while no one appeared to be around you could never know with Spy, and the last thing Scout wanted so Spy joking around with his mother about this.

'NO!', Scout thought to himself, think thoughts about the chicken ladies, not his mother. Chicken ladies, not this mother. Chicken ladies, chicken ladies, chicken ladies. Distracted by his own thoughts Scout skidded to the floor. Nearby he heard the muffled voices of Spy and Medic in the middle of a discussion. Quickly he got to his feet and got out of there, at least he could be sure that Spy hadn't seen him.


Scout arrived at the fried chicken place, ducking into the alley with all the trash to once again don the costume. Sliding it on Scout felt like a new man, a sexy man, if only in his mind. He was ready. He danced out of the alley and onto the street, “looking good” he said to a woman who tried desperately to avoid eye contact with him. Continuing to dance and holler, Scout asked more passing by women if they wanted some chicken and more importantly someone to share it with, only to glares and disgust.

'These aren't the chicken ladies,' Scout thought to himself, 'the chicken ladies couldn't resist all this.' Scout slapped his rear, “butt stuff!” he cried unaware of the horror and discomfit of everyone around him. People would have called the police to end this display, but that would require they acknowledge it in the first place, which they chose not to do. Eventually the dancing gave way to thirst and hunger, Scout hadn't brought any food or Bonk! with him so he went into the fried chicken joint.

The staff inside were terrified, they did not know how Scout had got the costume or what had become of their coworker who should have been wearing the costume. Ordering a bucket of chicken he was served as quickly as possible by the staff who wanted to be rid of him. After being handed the chicken he turned to leave as a woman entered the store, Scout smiled at her, “I've got a bucket of chicken”. She smiled back as Scout winked, he had found his chicken lady.