Profound moments in portal

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Tapp, Apr 25, 2010.

  1. Tapp

    Tapp L10: Glamorous Member

    Messages:
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    I just had an interesting conversation with a friend of mine, playing through portal for the first time. He was already in chamber 12 when I got a hold of him, but I thought I'd post the chat log. So, ITT, any stories about friends of yours playing games for the first time.

    Code:
    Friend and me on steam chat:
    Friend: ima playing Portal!
    Friend: Im up to 12
    Friend: 13
    Tapp: cool dawg
    Tapp: I bet, if I started now, I could beat you
    Friend: I finally am in control of both portals
    Friend: The only reason I started was because my wow game time ran out
    Tapp: lol
    Tapp: we are pleased to present an amusing factA:
    Tapp: the portal device is now more valuable than the combined income and vital organs of everyone from 'subject town: here'
    Friend: This device is now more valuable than all the organs and parts of everyone in :"voiceclip"
    Friend: :P
    Tapp: LOL1
    Tapp: did you get my txt msg?
    Friend: No
    Friend: I cant find mah phone!
    Tapp: I'm not playing WoW until you finish portal
    Friend: lolk
    Tapp: do you want me to call it?
    Friend: nah its off
    Friend: Think like a portsl..
    Tapp: now you're thinking with portals
    Friend: Wait what
    Tapp: wait, you're on chamber 14, right?
    Friend: When th testing is over I will be missed
    Friend: rHAX
    Friend: Im in chamber 14 now
    Tapp: I can do chamber 14 in <2 minutes
    Tapp: there's a trick to it
    Tapp: you know the lift at the exit?
    Tapp: if you has skillz, you don't need it
    Friend: How
    Tapp: but only if
    Friend: Holy shit stairs come up
    Tapp: yah
    Tapp: in portal 2 that shit will be everywhere
    Friend: How the fuck do I do that
    Friend: wWaitttt
    Friend: There are 2 lift
    Tapp: ?
    Friend: There are 3 lifts in this thing
    Tapp: I know
    Tapp: the one that isn't in toxic sludge is the exit
    Friend: OOOOH I CAN JUMP WITH PORTALS
    Tapp: *clap* *clap*
    Friend: FUck yeah I got the bos
    Friend: bos
    Friend: box***
    Tapp: in one of the challenge modes you need to do that about 6 times in a row while holding a radio
    Tapp: it's fucking hard
    Friend: oh shit sludge
    Tapp: LOL!
    Friend: Is this the wrong one
    Tapp: ?
    Friend: dw
    Tapp: just wait until 16
    Tapp: "due to mandatory maintenance, the following test chamber will be replaced with a...
    Friend: Victory lift...
    Tapp: see, I can do it without the victory life
    Tapp: *lift
    Friend: how
    Tapp: you know how you got the cube?
    Friend: Omfg I could have just jumped
    Friend: FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUu
    Tapp: HAHAHAHA
    Friend: 15
    Tapp: you need to think laterally at all times
    Tapp: haha, the challenge mode of 15 is THE SHIT
    Tapp: but I did it
    Friend: Fck yeah fling!
    Tapp: yeh
    Tapp: I'm seriously considering doing this with you
    Friend: Holy balls this is confusing as fuck
    Friend: Wait we can both do it together?
    Tapp: dude, it gets more confusing
    Friend: HOW
    Tapp: no
    Tapp: just at the same time
    Friend: oh
    Tapp: so I know what you're doing
    Friend: How do I clear all portals
    Tapp: you don't really need to
    Tapp: but you can walk through a glowing cleanser
    Tapp: but i can imancipate crowns, dental filling, tooth enamal and teeth
    Friend: The portals disappear??
    Friend: DAFUCK
    Friend: HAX
    Tapp: if you go through an emancipation grill
    Friend: yes
    Tapp logs conversation for further use
    Friend: Oh fucking dang I am so pro
    Tapp: have you reached the bit end bit with the lifts?
    Friend: I just got the first lift activated
    Friend: Now im in a room with heaps of black floor
    Tapp: hmm
    Tapp: I don't remember that bit
    Tapp: oh, that place
    Tapp: I spent like forever on that bit
    Friend: Oh I got this
    Friend: Easy
    Friend: I know what to do
    Friend: I think
    Tapp: oh, here comes the bit
    Tapp: now I know where you are
    Tapp: muahahaha
    Friend: Oh dang im over
    Friend: Portal wihle flinging
    Friend: :D
    Tapp: yah
    Friend: oOh shit now its hard aye
    Tapp: the first 19 chambers are training, man
    Friend: for?
    Tapp: chamber 19
    Friend: LOL
    Tapp: +?
    Tapp: chamber 19 is special
    Friend: how
    Tapp: you will start to understand during chamber 16
    Friend: Im in chamber 16
    Friend: Am I?
    Tapp: "due to mandatory maintenance, the following test chamber will be replaced with a...
    Tapp: complete that and I'll believe you
    Friend: Uh im stuck
    Tapp: where?
    Friend: oh wait no
    Friend: ew moving platforms
    Tapp: you don't need to use them
    Friend: wait what the fuck
    Tapp: are you in the button room?
    Friend: THey just move to my doom
    Tapp: oh, those ones
    Friend: I just opend the door to the moving platforms
    Friend: I guess i just portal on to them
    Tapp: if you walk up to the elevator platforms they move
    Tapp: Veeeeeeeery slowly
    Friend: I got this
    Tapp: hehehe, chamber 16 is coming up
    Tapp: "due to mandatory maintenance, the following test chamber will be replaced with a...
    Friend: fuk k
    Friend: Ew I missed it
    Tapp: now, imagine what you're doing right now, except that the timer takes 1/3 the time
    Tapp: that is the fucking shit
    Tapp: took me like an hour
    Friend: ew
    Friend: What this level?
    Tapp: "due to mandatory maintenance, the following test chamber will be replaced with a...
    Friend: stfu!
    Tapp: spoilolz
    Friend: uhm wtf there are 2 platforms
    Tapp: yeh, so?
    Friend: Gah if I died right now
    Tapp: did you know that you can donate one or all of your vital organs to the aperture science self-esteem fund for girls?
    Tapp: It's true!
    Friend: dude what the fuck
    Friend: There are 2 buttons I need to press
    Tapp: yep
    Friend: Oh fuck I see now
    Friend: Hm let me think
    Friend: Oh I just got that quote
    Friend: Stop spoiling
    Tapp: "due to mandatory scheduled maintenance, the following test chamber will be replaced with a...
    Tapp: "due to mandatory scheduled maintenance, the following test chamber will be replaced with a...
    Tapp: "due to mandatory scheduled maintenance, the following test chamber will be replaced with a...
    Tapp: "due to mandatory scheduled maintenance, the following test chamber will be replaced with a...
    Friend: Due stop
    Friend: Everytime I reply I have to pause the ghame
    Tapp: fine
    Tapp: I'm just so glad ur finally playing it
    Friend: A live fire course for milatary androids
    Friend: FFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
    Tapp: haha
    Friend: Holy shit
    Tapp: good luck
    Tapp: you're going to android hell
    Friend: Can this glass break?
    Tapp: nope
    Tapp: there is no breakable glass
    Tapp: it's like fucking blackmesa in there
    Friend: Can I kill these bots
    Tapp: yes
    Friend: How
    Tapp: bump into them
    Friend: Fuck these things are annoying
    Tapp: get behind it and bump into it
    Tapp: god that sounded sus
    Friend: Nothing is happening
    Tapp: just knock it over, k?
    Friend: HA I KILLED IT BITCH SUCK ON MY DICK STUPID TALKING GUN
    Tapp: Haha
    Tapp: "no hard feelings"
    Friend: Where am I
    Friend: Im in like a storeroom or someshit
    Friend: And there a clattering sounds
    Tapp: congrats
    Tapp: there's at leasto ne in
    Tapp: every map from now on
    Friend: The cake is a lie
    Tapp: haha! you get it now!
    Tapp: do you?
    Friend: Get what?
    Friend: WHat cake
    Tapp: fuck, you missed it
    Friend: Wait wasnt I promised cake?
    Tapp: yes
    Friend: At the start or something
    Friend: OMFG
    Friend: BITCH
    Friend: LIED
    Friend: FFFFFUUUUUUUUUU
    Tapp: haha
    Tapp: I am soooo showing sean this log
    Friend: So what
    Friend: What does it mean?
    Friend: If there is no cake
    Tapp: just remember that
    Friend: I also see help about 6 times
    Tapp: the next 3 chambers will tell you more
    Tapp: well, do you see an escape?
    Friend: Dude what the fuck
    Tapp: ?
    Friend: All I see is like 2 red crosses
    Tapp: think what did you just find?
    Friend: 2 red crosses
    Tapp: what was blocking the entrance to the secret area?
    Friend: boxes
    Friend: OH
    Friend: FO SHIZZLE MY NIZZLE
    Friend: Aha got you bitch!
    Friend: Whoa fuck I got hit by some bullets
    Tapp: now, imagin a version in which you cannot knock over the turrets
    Tapp: that is the challenge version
    Friend: tHATS IMPOSSIBLE
    Friend: Whhops caps
    Tapp: I did it
    Friend: Can you block their bullets with the box?
    Tapp: yes, but only temporarily
    Tapp: they shoot it away
    Friend: I can hear music
    Friend: The same music from the start
    Tapp: look around
    Friend: Dude this is inredibly hard
    Friend: Harder than before
    Tapp: like I said, imagin if you couldn't knock them over
    Tapp: btw, you can save
    Tapp: and it makes a checkpoint
    Friend: Oh so now that I saved
    Friend: I have a checkpoint
    Tapp: I feel like giving you some really ambiguous references
    Tapp: I <3 chamber 17
    Friend: Omg a radio :D
    Tapp: there's another easter egg
    Tapp: there's a radio in every radio...
    Tapp: and if you put the radio in one specific spot...
    Friend: Wait what
    Tapp: it plays morse code
    Friend: HOw do I do it for this one
    Tapp: just look around
    Tapp: it's like tuning a tv
    Tapp: you just need to find the spot
    Tapp: I found all of them
    Tapp: aw shit
    Tapp: my computer's like, crashing or something
    Friend: What
    Friend: Dude I cant find the spot D:
    Tapp: forget about it
    Tapp: it's too late to get the achievement, anyway
    Friend: So how does this checkpoint thing work
    Tapp: just hit f6 whenever you wanta  checkpoint
    Friend: Oh sweet
    Friend: Lol it cant see me if im behind 2 boxes
    Tapp: yeh
    Tapp: but if it does see you it'll shoot the boxes
    Friend: Dude there are like 3 in the last room
    Friend: Wtf how do I do that
    Tapp: do them one at a time
    Tapp: you have a pile of cubes where the radio is
    Friend: How, they are all bunched up
    Tapp: just use teh cubes
    Friend: Can the guns kill other guns
    Tapp: yes
    Tapp: and you get an achievement if you knock one over by hitting it with another
    Friend: Im a fucking tard
    Friend: I didnt realise I could fir underneath them
    Tapp: lol
    Tapp: I like putting 1 portal next to you, and one under the turret
    Tapp: instant lols
    Friend: I totally forgot the portals >_>
    Tapp: seriously, try it
    Friend: Holy fuck I open the lift and BAM gun
    Tapp: lol
    Tapp: I was waiting for that
    Friend: Achievement earned: Friendly Fire
    Tapp: woo
    Tapp: that's your second achievement
    Tapp: you'll get another in chamber 17
    Tapp: I <3 chamber 17]
    Friend: Fukc yesh finished
    Tapp: I <3 chamber 17
    Friend: LOL Android hell
    Tapp: chamber 17 E> me
    Friend: This is getting so much harder
    Tapp: wait until chamber 19
    Tapp: I <3 chamber 17
    Friend: Aww companion cube :D
    Tapp: It will accompany you throughout the test chamber
    Friend: wNo guns?
    Friend: no guns*
    Tapp: please take care of it
    Friend: it even helps me get up stairs :D
    Tapp: it's so great
    Tapp: you should take pictures
    Tapp: press f5 to take a picture
    Tapp: it's funny, you know how they came up with this level?
    Friend: How
    Friend: It even blocks ray bullets <3
    Tapp: they read that in military situations in which a person is alone for a long time, they tended to befriend inanimate objects
    Friend: lol
    Tapp: and then the objects threaten to stab them
    Friend: LOL OWNED
    Tapp: the cake is a lie but the cube is forever
    Friend: HAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA
    Friend: I found the secret room!
    Tapp: woo
    Tapp: read it carfully
    Friend: I candt
    Friend: Its ineligable
    Tapp: shitty graphx?
    Friend: Portal render depth
    Friend: Turn that up?
    Tapp: no
    Tapp: texture detail
    Friend: Still pretty bad
    Tapp: forget about it then
    Tapp: it's not that important
    Tapp: but you get the gist of it, right?
    Friend: login: cjohnson
    Friend: password: tier3?
    Tapp: it's a small easter egg, nothing special
    Friend: That part?
    Friend: Just tell me
    Tapp: some shit about radioactive shower curtains and stuff, I'll tell you later
    Tapp: basically aperture science began as a shower curtain company, then cave johnson (the founder) got poisoned. One of his 3 dying wishes was an ad-hoc portal with possible implications as a shower curtain
    Friend: lolwut?
    Friend: lol!
    Tapp: the navy didn't want to give him a contract, so he made a radioactive shower curtain to assassinate them
    Tapp: he also invented the reverse heimlech maneuver, designed to undo the effects of a life-saving heimlech maneuver
    Friend: Haaaha
    Tapp: he also started the take-a-wish foundation, which stole wishes from dying kids and gave them to healty, but wish-deprived others
    Friend: Dude this shit is impossible
    Tapp: which part?
    Friend: Where do I get these laser beam balls from
    Tapp: there were 2 near the start
    Friend: FFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
    Tapp: did you forget?
    Friend: no
    Friend: Fuck brb
    Tapp: mk
    Friend: Actually I might stop playing for a bit >_>
    Friend: How long are you going to stay on for
    Tapp: late
    Friend: This game is draining
    Tapp: why?
    Friend: Im going to be back on in an hour ish
    Tapp: ur weak
    Friend: I have stuff to do
    Friend: Dinner to eat
    Tapp: mk
    Friend: TV show to watch
    Tapp: it didn't stop you in WoW
    Friend: Ill be back on soon
    Friend: Thats because in Wow I cant just pause and continue
    Friend: and I wasnt in the middle of a dungeon with 5 others relying on me
    Friend: In a single player game I can pause and continue
    Friend: anyway
    Friend: afk
    Friend: Illl be back at like 9:00
    Friend: 9:30
    Friend: ish
    Tapp: I'll probably be kicked off
    Tapp: I'll sneak back on
    Friend: lolk
    Tapp: you shoulda done a profound moments thing
    Tapp: like in those videos
    Friend: I reckon
    Friend: OMFG A cube
    Friend: Omg a lser
    Tapp: WHY IS IT SO LOUD
    Friend: ill jsut put the cube her UFKC FUKC FUKC FUKC NOOO
    Tapp: OMG! look at the detail on this freakin cube
    Friend: lol
    Tapp: The cube pooped its pants
    Friend: It has a little heart..
    Tapp: he's like, shake and bake man
    Friend: -While flinging- OMG OMG OMG OMG FFUUUUCCCKK
    Tapp: I'm gonna do this with 1 HP, and beatht he shit out of everything witha  freakin turret
    Tapp: oh man, that would be epic
    Friend: We should make on
    Friend: e
    Friend: :D
    Tapp: if we ever get 'Other friend' on
    Friend: Yes!
    Friend: :D
    Friend: You me and 'Other friend'
    Tapp: or, on portal 2, in coop
    Friend: You, 'Other friend' and I
    Friend: :D
    Tapp: YEH!
    Friend: Dude, dude pick up the turret
    Tapp: then we'll all be new
    Friend: Yeah
    Friend: TURRET WARS
    Tapp: and I'll be like, FUCK YEH
    Tapp: OMG A FUCKING CHARGER
    Friend: -hit each other with turrets-
    Tapp: Loansharks!
    Friend: Outrun a laser
    Tapp: fuck yeh
    Friend: then duck
    Friend: and the other person gets hit
    Tapp: they have real lazorz in portal 2
    Tapp: so we can kill each other with them
    Friend: :D
    Friend: Anyway
    Tapp: like, fling someone into goo
    Friend: I have to go
    Tapp: cya
    Friend: Dinner is served!
    Friend: Cya
    Tapp: I know ur not there, but I'm putting this log on the interwebs
    Friend is now Away.
    -----Extension#1-----
    Tapp: http://forums.tf2maps.net/showthread.php?p=156835
    Friend is now Online.
    Friend: Oh no you dont!
    Friend: OMFG NUB
    Tapp is eating dinner. Be done in 15-20 mins
    Tapp: continue logging ur progress
    Friend: How the fu-
    Friend: So Im just going to continue playing while you log my progress and eventually submit it to the interwebs without my consent?
    Tapp: yep
    Friend: Dude this is the shit
    Friend: Im watching myself watch myself falling through  a portal in to a portal
    Friend: Fuck thsi is impossible
    Friend: Wait
    Friend: Can cameras be used as weights?
    Friend: FUCK
    Friend: I GOT HIT
    Friend: I am so evil
    Friend: I glitched the door to stay open by jamming a camera in ther
    Friend: Oh wait no
    Friend: Scratch that
    Friend: FUCK THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE
    Friend: Oh wait
    Friend: no
    Friend: FUCK
    Friend: ITS SO SIMPLE
    Tapp: still on 17?
    Tapp: yes
    Tapp: you are
    Friend: Right I got this
    Friend: Fucking poles
    Friend: HA FUCK YES!
    Friend: noooooo my cube
    Friend: FUCK
    Friend: Fuck yeah 18
    Friend: or 17
    Friend: I havent a clue
    Friend: Wait wait wait
    Friend: "You will be baked and then there will be cake"
    Friend: FUCK
    Friend: FFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUU
    Friend: Damnit this game is a fucking teaser
    Friend: I swaer
    Friend: You fall in a pit of toxic waste
    Friend: or some shit
    Friend: and you die
    Friend: But instead of instantly respawning
    Friend: It lets you sit tehre for 10 seconds
    Friend: As if to rub in the fact that you died
    Friend: FIEUWOUW#*))(U_
    Friend: HA YESX
    Friend: Oh shit
    Friend: Guns
    Friend: Holy fuck
    Friend: FUCK
    Friend: It killed me
    Friend: I made a portal right next to me
    Friend: Then shot the other one in front of the gun
    Friend: and it killed me
    Friend: Fucking bitch
    Friend: OOOH
    Friend: I can use them to create blindspots
    Friend: Oh shit no I cant
    Friend: FUCK
    Friend: WTFFF THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE
    Friend: FUCK FUCK FUC FUFKUFBEWYR(*#& RAGE
    Friend: ha one down
    Friend: FUCK
    Friend: I FELL AGAIN
    Tapp: whoa
    Tapp: /logs
    Friend: Fuckgin sif
    Tapp: you still on 18?
    Friend: Ye
    Friend: This shit is impossible
    Tapp: well, 19 is next
    Tapp: and then...
    Tapp: well...
    Tapp: you'll see
    Tapp: are you doing the thing where you need to bounce up the platforms, or the room with the turrets?
    Friend: Room with turrets
    Tapp: have you worked out how to dislodge them?
    Friend: Ive dislodged 2
    Friend: I have 2 left
    Friend: Or were there only 3 in the beginned?
    Friend: beginning*
    Tapp: idk
    Tapp: how are you removing them?
    Friend: By pretty much running out while they fire at me and hope I get lucky
    Tapp: look around the room
    Tapp: the solution is there
    Friend: Gee really?
    Tapp: and there is a radio in the room
    Friend: Thanks sherlock holmes
    Friend: yeah..
    Friend: I threw that in the water
    Friend: ._.
    Tapp: let me give you a hint
    Friend: no dont
    Friend: fuck you
    Tapp: ok
    Friend: I will do this myself1
    Tapp: just look around
    Friend: FFU
    Friend: Is there a clear button?
    Friend: To remove the portals
    Friend: Ther must be
    Tapp: nope
    Tapp: why would you need to?
    Friend: FUCKK THIS SHIT
    Friend: I AM GOING TO FUCKING RAGEQUIT SO SOON
    Tapp: why?
    Tapp: ur weak
    Tapp: plus the game is almost over
    Friend: Fuck I dont give a flying fuck
    Friend: Whether the game just begun
    Friend: Or if I have 5 mins left
    Tapp: are you that stuck?
    Friend: I know what to do
    Friend: Its DOING it that is majorly pissing me off
    Tapp: it's actually a lot easier than what ur doing
    Friend: Now how the hell would you know what I am doing
    Tapp: you're trying to jump the turrets
    Friend: FFFUUUUUUCCCCKKK I ALMOST HAD IT I MISSED THE FUCKING PORTAL FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUU
    Friend: FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
    Tapp: so ur trying to fling urself?
    Friend: HA FUCK YES
    Friend: I got the ball of light in to the receiver thingy
    Tapp: :D
    Friend: What did that achieve
    Tapp: the platform is moving
    Friend: Oh the platform is moving
    Friend: And now there are 2 turrets still sitting ther
    Tapp: /facepalm
    Friend: shh I got this
    Friend: I know what to do
    Tapp: you may need to restart
    Tapp: the level
    Friend: Yeeah fuck you turret
    Tapp: but a sheer application of skill can work
    Friend: Shh watch this
    Tapp: I'd love to
    Friend: I am about to rape the last turret
    Tapp is watching
    Friend: haaahahahaa
    Friend: I killed it!
    Tapp: nice
    Tapp: now, do you want to know what you were supposed to do?
    Friend: I know what I did worked
    Tapp: you could have just used the energy orbs to knock them over
    Friend: But essentially take out the turrets with the laser thing
    Friend: Thats what I did for the last 2
    Tapp: oh, good
    Friend: Tard
    Tapp: I thought you were trying to rambo it
    Tapp: good thing
    Tapp: sorry for making such an absurd assumption
    Friend: Lol
    Friend: Wait what what the FUCK
    Tapp: make sure to save
    Friend: How the hell do I get a box
    Tapp: there's one up top
    Friend: No shit, I mean how do I get therfe
    Friend: Dont tell me
    Tapp: f-f-f-f-f-f-fl...
    Friend: FUCK YOU
    Friend: hm
    Tapp: soz
    Friend: I might be able to fling..
    Friend: ;D
    Friend: hah
    Friend: and that is how we muthafucking do it
    Friend: oh look
    Tapp: hehe, ur gonna like the next bit
    Friend: I fell in to the toxic water
    Friend: good news is my box survived
    Tapp: brb maybe
    Tapp: lol
    Tapp: /afk
    Friend: FFFU
    Friend: Dont leave me now
    Friend: Cunt
    Friend: Oh
    Friend: SHit
    Friend: The level isnt done??
    Friend: WDF
    Friend: OH FUCK I HAVE TO FLING
    Friend: FUCK I DIED AND DIDNE SAVE
    Friend: Oh wait yes I didn
    Friend: did*
    Friend: Omfg this is so simple
    Friend: But so incredible annoying
    Friend: FUCK
    Friend: Omgh
    Friend: I have finished
    Friend: YES
    Friend: My god
    Friend: GAH FUCK
    Friend: Dude this is so gay
    Friend: AYy I passed the green ball of death
    Friend: Wtf was that
    Tapp: lol, back]
    Friend: hah got it
    Tapp: what r u up to?
    Friend: Oh shit its a room fo fucking fire
    Friend: WTF
    Friend: HAX
    Friend: CHEAT
    Tapp: LOOOOOOOL
    Friend: DEHWO(R&*#)(* FFFFFFUUUUUUUUU
    Tapp: OMG I soooo badly wish I could see ur face right now
    Tapp: 'goodbye'
    Friend: fuck
    Friend: fuck fuck fuck
    Tapp: fuckfuckfuck
    Friend: Oh look I died
    Tapp: wait, you fucked that bit up?
    Friend: Hah im aliv
    Friend: "What are you doing
    Friend: Stop it"!
    Tapp: do you like parties?
    Friend: What a bitch
    Friend: "We are pleased that you made it through the final challenge, when we pretended we were going to murder you"
    Friend: Dont say anything
    Friend: Im not past that quote
    Friend: Oh shit what do I do
    Tapp: ur mostly on ur own now
    Friend: But I like liter- maybe I can fling
    Tapp: the previous 3 have left hints, follow them
    Friend: Fukc yeah I flung@
    Tapp: *high five
    Tapp high fives Friend
    Friend: Speedy thing goes in, speedy thing comes out
    Tapp: that's what she said
    Friend: Why is this place empty
    Friend: Wtf are these workers doing
    Friend: "Ill just leave valuable equipment hanging around"
    Tapp: you'll realise soon enough
    Friend: OMG
    Friend: I remember this level
    Friend: Im looking through a window
    Friend: I bet thats where the bitch with the mic was
    Friend: fuckong shore
    Friend: fucking whore*
    Friend: What is Black mesa
    Tapp: wut
    Tapp: why do you need to know?
    Friend: Aperture competeing with black mesa
    Friend: Its on a slideshow in this room
    Tapp: blackmesa is an underground facility currently working on military weapons and teleportation
    Friend: ohk
    Tapp: they accidentally started the alien apocalypse
    Tapp: read: hl2
    Tapp: *half life
    Friend: LOL
    Tapp: yeh, the gman was like "I'm bored, let's break the world"
    Friend: Im not even going the right way
    Friend: Wtf
    Friend: According to her
    Tapp: you should have turned left before
    Tapp: it's funny, actually, when you think about it
    Friend: The cake is a lie the cake is a lie the cake is a lie
    Friend: Uuhh
    Friend: Im in a box room
    Friend: Where the box is supposed to go
    Friend: Oh no somebody cut my cake
    Tapp: oh no!
    Tapp: I told them not to, but they cut it anyway
    Friend: Oh shit something big is going to go down
    Tapp: Yeh, my dad is kicking me off
    Friend: Awwwww
    Friend: Sif
    Tapp: I've got 5 mins
    Friend: I would finish if I knw how
    Tapp: no worries, I've lolled enough tonight
    Friend: Wth is all thsi the cake is a lie crap
    Friend: I get it, its a lie
    Friend: Dont bloody spam it
    Tapp: well the cake was the sole reason u were doing this
    Friend: Wow
    Friend: Who the hell would put their life on the line for cake
    Tapp: they didn't know it was their life
    Tapp: it's called lampshading
    Tapp: oh hey, you got the partygoer achievement
    Friend: Wait what
    Tapp: I just checked, and you got it
    Friend: What is it?
    Tapp: you get it for making the correct escort position decision
    Friend: Wtf does that mean
    Tapp: "lie down on the floor, with your hands at your sides. A party associate will be dispatched to take you to your party"
    Friend: How did I do that?
    Tapp: by dieing
    Friend: LOL
    Friend: :D
    Friend: Twas a good idea, yeah
    Friend: dude im stuck
    Friend: Wtf do I do
    Friend: Im in the room with the 5 pillard
    Friend: That like rise up to the roof
    Tapp: what?
    Tapp: oh
    Friend: I just got to the top little room
    Tapp: there's an exit near the top of the room
    Friend: HAAAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH
    Friend: DUDE
    Tapp: ?
    Friend: "Remember when i was all like im going to throw you in to the pit of fire, and you were al like "NO WAY"
    Tapp: and I was all like 'we pretended we were going to murder you'
    Tapp: "that was great"
    Tapp: bye
    Friend: hehehe
    Friend: Oh wait
    Friend: nooo
    
    Friend: Are you logging?
    Tapp: yep
    Tapp: just keep narrating
    Friend: lame
    Friend: No
    Tapp: but don't pause at the end
    Tapp: whatever you do
    Tapp: it fucks up
    Tapp: so when the game ends
    Friend: But your dad will be on
    Tapp: DON'T PAUSE
    Tapp: no he won't
    Friend: WHo will be on then?
    Tapp: I'll just leave it in the backround
    Tapp: nobody
    Friend: oh
    Friend: So who is using the comp
    Friend: and why do you have to get off?
    Tapp: nobody
    
    Friend: FUCK THESE POLES
    Tapp: lol
    Tapp: just remember, do not pause at the end
    Friend: WHy?
    Friend: Ha yes I got through these long poles
    Friend: Still on?
    Friend: Dang toxic water
    Friend: Dude im just too pro
    Friend: DUDE WHAT THE FUCK
    Friend: ARE WITH THESE LITTLE GUN THINGS
    Friend: FFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
    Friend: RAGE
    Friend: RAGE
    Friend: RAGE
    Friend: RAGE
    Friend: RAGE
    Friend: HAHA FUCK YES KILLED EM
    Friend: sHaha this gun isnt working
    Friend: What a little bitch
    Friend: It can still speak though
    Friend: "Whos there"
    Friend: OMG A RADIO
    Friend: Ew, jumping down in to a room with a gun
    Friend: This seems REALLY safe
    Friend: What could possible go wrong
    Friend: hm
    Friend: Nothing much apperently
    Friend: Oh hey
    Friend: Did you know
    Friend: The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie
    Friend: I fling I win
    Friend: Thats just how I roll
    Friend: ANd btw
    Friend: How the fuck am I meant to know when the end is going to come
    Friend: I think im at the end
    Friend: No talking from me
    Friend: no[e
    Friend: Nope
    Friend: Whoa fuck
    Friend: MISSILE
    Friend: FUCK DUCK
    Friend: OH DANG AM I GOOD OR AM I GOOD
    Friend: Ew im stuck
    Friend: HAAAHAHA YES YES YES YES YES
    Friend: I USED A CHAIR TO GET IN TO THE AIR DUCT
    Friend: BOOYAH!
    Friend: THATS HOW WE ROLL IN THE SHIRE BITCH
    Tapp: shhh, I've snuck on
    Friend: Sick one bro
    Tapp: when you reach the end, it'll turn into a cutscene
    Friend: ohk
    Friend: Ew im in slimy sewwrage
    Tapp: once you can't move, stop pausing
    Tapp: oh, this bit
    Tapp: get ready
    Friend: k
    Friend: Dude
    Friend: I went in to a room
    Friend: And 3 doors fucking opend
    Friend: to reveal 3 guns
    Friend: It was like
    Tapp: yeh, I saw in teh log
    Friend: "FWIEND? FWIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNDDDDDD!!!!"
    Tapp: yeh, I fucked up the first time too
    Friend: Oh shiiiit guuuns WTF WTF
    Tapp: it's to introduce you to time pressure
    Friend: dude what the fuck
    Tapp: ?
    Friend: Do I have to kill them all?
    Friend: And how far in am I to this level thing
    Tapp: not necessarily
    Tapp: you're pretty far in
    Tapp: pretty close
    Tapp: <half an hour imo
    Friend: half hour til I finish??
    Tapp: less
    Tapp: prob 20 mins
    Friend: WHat the FUCK
    Friend: What happened to the "I could finish this game in a 2 hour run"
    Friend: Its been like 3-4 hours
    Tapp: or 10, depends how good u r
    Tapp: the first time is hard
    Tapp: I'm just saying that *I* could do it in 2hours
    Friend: oh you bitch!
    Tapp: have you really hated this game that much?
    Friend: No
    Tapp: then why so mad?
    Friend: Well they are all dead
    Friend: the guns I mean
    Tapp: cool
    Friend: Now what
    Friend: Oh wait
    Friend: one more
    Tapp: now, there is an exit near the roof
    Tapp: tell me what happens
    Friend: ah I see it
    Friend: I can do this shit easy
    Tapp: *muffled laugh*
    Tapp waits for it
    Friend: Shit I missed
    Tapp: ...
    Friend: I know what to do
    
    Friend: I just miss the portal
    Friend: Dude wtf
    Friend: I was falling and the wall grabbed me
    Friend: I stopped falling and lost momentum
    Friend: Right this is it
    Friend: final jump DONT MISS
    Tapp: miss
    Friend: FFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU
    Friend: I didnt fling far enough
    Tapp: lol
    Tapp: yknow how I posted the log on teh interwebs?
    Tapp: you should see the responses
    Friend: Yes
    Friend: IN a mo
    Tapp: "I read it all. and loled."
    Friend: I saw that one
    Tapp: "you have to do this again for portal 2"
    Friend: HAAHAHA YES I DID IT
    Friend: YOU ALL THOUGHT I COULDNT DO IT!
    Tapp: LOL
    Friend: OH SHIT GUNS
    Tapp: wait for it...
    Friend: DA FUCK
    Tapp: LOOOL!
    Friend: Ha their dead
    Tapp: damn
    Friend: they're
    Tapp: ur too gud
    Friend: Thats right, I am
    Tapp: damn, I've been caught
    Tapp: I will attempt further contact in the future
    Tapp: live long a prosper
    Friend: Wait wait
    
    Friend: Oh you have actually been caught
    Friend: IRL
    Friend: k
    Friend: Gnight
    Tapp: night
    Tapp: good luck
    Friend: I r stuck nao D:
    
    What hilarious things have friends of yours done on their first time playing a game?
    EDIT:extended log
     
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2010
  2. Freyja

    aa Freyja ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

    Messages:
    2,868
    Positive Ratings:
    4,895
    I read all of that.

    And loled.
     
  3. The Political Gamer

    aa The Political Gamer

    Messages:
    4,468
    Positive Ratings:
    1,684
    [​IMG]
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 3
  4. Mick-a-nator

    aa Mick-a-nator

    Messages:
    640
    Positive Ratings:
    314
    lol at the endless strings of "WTF!?" moments.

    you need to record a conversation on Portal 2 (when it comes out) with that guy, or even better, someone who never played Portal.
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 1
  5. FaTony

    FaTony Banned

    Messages:
    902
    Positive Ratings:
    160
    ...That's why I never talk to anyone while playing single player. You f*cking spoiled all the fun for him. Also, it's bas to laugh at mentally ill people.
     
  6. Tapp

    Tapp L10: Glamorous Member

    Messages:
    776
    Positive Ratings:
    211
    Except for one or two points, it was more so teasing than spoiling. We're considering, for hl2, running fraps and recording his voice, then converting the audio to subtitles.
     
  7. Limesimme

    Limesimme L1: Registered

    Messages:
    27
    Positive Ratings:
    31
    I had almost similar reactions when I played for the first time, I just completed the whole game yesterday (played halfway through before on a crappy computer), shit was so cash :D
     
  8. LordNor

    LordNor L3: Member

    Messages:
    134
    Positive Ratings:
    15
    classy game