Nerdboy vs. Harry Potter: A Let's Play Thread in Several Parts

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Lancey, Apr 2, 2010.

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  1. Lancey

    aa Lancey Currently On: ?????

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    Penguin has recently inspired me to dive into a box of age old video games and lo and behold I find not only Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, but also Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. Now I don't know about you, but these games were the shit. Let's look back on a day when Bush just came into office and the only thing we cared about were British kids who earned superpowers in the most boring way possible.

    We begin our adventure with the most badass autorun.exe ever:
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    That's right, this game is so badass that my computer can't display the background image on the splash screen, and it was made like 10 years ago. This shit is using like DXa billion in an age where DX5.0 was still in use. But enough of me talking about the graphics, let's get into the installer and see if my computer doesn't give up because of the sheer awesomeness of this game.

    I'm going to click the English button, because the other one is Wizardspeak for "DXa billion edition." Now normally I'd try to max out the settings on a ten year old game, but I only have DX11 and I'm not a wizard so I can't play in DXa billion.
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    Is it me or did this autorun get even MORE awesome? There's about two times the comic sans on this page and therefore two times the coolio. Sorry about not installing this before hand but I didn't have much time before it enchanted me and made me start this thread. So we're gonna install this puppy and then we'll kick some ass.

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    HOLY SHIT! It's almost like that golden snitch is flying out of that computer! That could be happening to me! Do I want to install this? Fuck yeah! Then we hit the Wizard DRM screen. I need to put in a magic spell code in order to unlock the awesomeness that is Harry Potter. Fortunately I have said code on the back of the case, but it's not for sharing because it's a secret! Let's install this bitch!

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    This game is so powerful it will open up the world itself and use the magic stored on the disk to create that directory. Power at your fingertips! BAM!

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    Holy shit! That is in game imagery, folks! You can practically make out Ron and Hermione's faces! Can you tell which one is Ron? That's how powerful the graphics are!

    [​IMG]

    I must have hit a time warp or something because this installed fast. Can you believe how it took about two minutes to install everything? All that wizard magic must be doing something to the flow of time. Don't look now, it's thirty years in the future! Just kidding! I had you going there for a minute. I'm going to get this puppy fired up and get some much needed play time in while you guys grab some wizard popcorn, round glasses, and magic wands and get ready for this mindblowing action!
     
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  2. Randdalf

    aa Randdalf

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    I actually think I've got that game. It's not the remake of the original Philosopher's Stone game though is it?
     
  3. honorum646

    honorum646 L6: Sharp Member

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    Bahahaaa! I've got that game!
     
  4. Terr

    aa Terr Cranky Coder

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    If it doesn't require DosBox it's too high-tech.
     
  5. Lancey

    aa Lancey Currently On: ?????

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    Let's get rolling.

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    Hell yeah I want to start a new game or continue a saved game!

    The next moments are too epic to post, so the game was kind enough to summarize all my actions into a neat little text introduction for all of you that weren't there. Especially you.
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    With an opener like that, you know nothing can go wrong.
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    That bike is flying! It's just like ET!
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    Woah woah woah, where'd that letter come from? We're told this is Harry Potter...the Boy who Lived. It's a long name.
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    You can tell by that boy's hat that the Dursleys were clearly neither poor nor Irish.
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    Wait a second... that's the exact same letter from before! They still haven't opened it!
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    Hagrid gets to Harry so quickly that the image hasn't managed to change yet. Please also note that none of these descriptions are funny when taken out of context, so I implore you not to look at them as such.
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    A train! What better way to hide the secret wizarding school than taking the children there in a loud, slow, smoke making machine?
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    I didn't miss an image, it really does jump to this point. Anyways there's no better way to introduce young children to your totally not dangerous at all school then by informing them of the suicide booth that you've set up on the third floor corridor. Good idea!
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    If you've never read or heard of Harry Potter, this sentence will explain the whole story to you.
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    A hat that can speak into your ear while it's on your head is an incredible thing. The hat says that Slytherin's pretty kickass and that you'd be awesome there and everything, then it plops you in Gryffindor because it's a real douchebag.

    And we're in the game!
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    Here we meet Albus Dumbledore toting a pretty bitchin' set of retro glasses. It wraps around his head, like La Forge's visor! Proof that the wizarding world exists years in the future. Dumbledore goes on to give us an introduction to secrets at Hogwarts and how he stumbled into a room full of chocolate frogs and fire beetles. Clearly this castle has numerous pest problems.
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    You guys might not remember, but we met Ron during the exciting combat sequence in that whole opening I had to sum up in text. What a shame you missed it! So we follow Ron down a five foot corridor when suddenly...
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    Wizards don't need to move their mouth in order to speak. The graphics are so advanced that Fred and George are super easy to tell apart from the sheer imagery it plants in your mind!
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    You might not be able to tell, but if you can't follow someone this game is freaking impossible. Ron's expression in this image also reminds you of the urgency of the situation at hand.
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    Typically when you run towards things without stopping, you smash into them. But this is the wonderful world of wizardry, remember? Wizards will instinctively climb anything they run towards!
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    And not just that, wizards can do chin ups with their wrists! Meanwhile, Fred and George are interested in something totally different.
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    Another bookcase? How will we ever clear this obstacle?
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    With magic you begin to wonder why we even need staircases. We can just fill rooms with bookcases upon bookcases and climb our way to the various floors! Imagine what the world would be like without the tyranny of stairs! But we can go further than that, why do we need government, or food! Bookcases can solve all our problems!
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    Convenient that someone's set up bookcases in this room for sake of navigating above. Walkways? So inefficient! They'd require more hardwood and would reduce the shelving space. Why not just fill the room with bookcases and leap from one to another?
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    SON OF A BITCH! Alfred Neuman just blocked my jump! I'm powerless against his flamboyant red pants! But of course, I'm a wizard and he's a ghost, so after returning to where I was and kicking his ghost ass, I manage to cross the room and reach some church like area.
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    It's not like there are beans everywhere in this room. Instead of collecting the beams themselves, it's up to Harry to do their work for them.
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    So I'm running around picking up beans and I see a frog on top of a bookcase. That fool! No obstacle can stop my bookcase climbing skills. Unless it's not a bookcase. Then I'm screwed.
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    I climb the staircase and eat the frog in a single bite. Om nom nom! I spend about thirty seconds collecting the remaining beans before I head back to the two guys that locked me in here in the first place. But why would they need beans in the first place?
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    Of course! That explains everything!
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    Using their awesome magic powers, Fred and George materialize a pentagon from the ethers of the universe! KAZOOOW!
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    I'm a wizard though, and I know it's a trap. So I use my wizard powers to destroy it and turn it into a display of fireworks.
     
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  6. nik

    nik L12: Fabulous Member

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    I love you
     
  7. Lancey

    aa Lancey Currently On: ?????

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    We've escaped from the puzzling puzzle of bookcases and jumping and are greeted by a

    pretty slick and classy guy.

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    He's Draco Malfoy, and you'd do well to show him respect. We also get to meet his goons,

    but I don't remember their names and don't care to look it up, so they're now named Thing

    1 and Thing 2.
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    It's that girl from the introduction mission that you read about! Meeting her was a blast,

    full of exciting and mind boggling puzzles that were all to rewarding to describe now.

    Also note that everyone has somewhere to be in Hogwarts, and if you're standing about in

    the halls you will see freshmen (and only freshmen) running everywhere.
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    That's the game I know! Following people to various locations that we could just walk to

    ourselves!
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    Look out! A terrorist! Oh no, that's just our teacher. He's dressed that way to help us

    identify the evil in the world. Man, wouldn't it be strange if the Arabic guy turned out

    to be the villain! He's going to teach us how to p-p-protect ourselves against D-D-Dark

    Magic, wizard speak for how to protect ourselves against Dark Magic. We're going to learn

    the Flipendo spell. I bet you'll never guess what it does!
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    I'm not trying to make a joke here, but I did at first look for the b-button on my mouse.

    You'd never believe how easy it is to learn magic these days. Just trace a pretty picture!
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    Okay, I suck. So what? I get four tries and I still passed.
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    That's more like it! My sheer power wins Gryffindor 50 points, which I can only assume is

    equivalent to slaying a dragon with a toothpick. Which I just did. Because that's how

    awesome I am at tracing spirals.
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    Finally! Some credit for my amazing power. I- and only I- may enter the Flipendo

    Challenge, a room that is clearly full of porn and cake as a reward for being so good at

    magic.
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    Oh... of course. The porn and cake room must be on the other side of this barrel.
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    Oh yeah! I'm magic! BAM! Now, spells have no actual cost in this game, so you can blast

    away at barrels for ages, but everything Harry casts a spell he says the name in a very

    annoying voice, urging you to conserve magic.
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    Quirrel, using his wizard-terrorist magic, teleports ahead of me to the next room. I don't

    know how I'll ever be able to tell that you need to use flipendo on this particular switch

    when I amass an army of spells later.
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    Woah woah woah. You're going a mile a minute. You want me to flip the switch and

    flip over this c-cauldron? Well... okay. I guess I can try.
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    Woah shit! There were beans in this cauldron! Hey wait, why are you hiding candy in the

    challenge room?
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    Take that switch! It's funny because it almost looks like a button, but then it totally

    flips around in the wall and you're like, "OH SHIT THAT'S NO BUTTON!" Moving on...
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    This game is so advanced that it has stars in it. And what does Harry do when he finds a star? It vanishes and reappears in his inventory, just like beans and cards!
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    What's this? Another switch? I know how to deal with you! KAZAAAM!
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    Holy shit! The bridge is moving! What is this, magic?

    What? Why are you looking at me like that?
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    Hell yeah! You can walk across too! What wonders the Quake engine can bring. Look, a star! Let's eat it!
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    Nom! Stars are part of a nutritious breakfast.
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    Now pay attention to what this ghost says and try not to lose your head! (Bud dum tish) The save game system is very bland. You pick up the book, it vanishes, your game saves. It means you'd better not screw up before you save because you can't go back.
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    Now that you have the flipendo spell this next challenge could take a very, very long time. If you begin to suffer from dehydration, feel free to pass out. A rescue team will be there to revive you shortly with peptic salve and adrenaline.
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    You can break expensive vases with flipendo, too! Is there anything this spell can't do?
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    A locked door! How am I supposed to get through here?
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    That took me a while to figure out, but finally I flip the second switch and unlock the gate and door.
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    Blue carpeting? This is insane! This room has three switches in it (two shown) which makes it about thirty times for difficult than before.
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    Look, beans! They may be on the floor, but I call the five second rule. It works if they've been there for god knows how long, right?
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    You can push blocks out of the way? This physics engine is light years ahead of anything we've ever seen before!
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    When push comes to shove I always win.
     
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  8. Okrag

    aa Okrag Wall Staples

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    This is excellent.
     
  9. Freyja

    aa Freyja ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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  10. Lancey

    aa Lancey Currently On: ?????

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    This short preview brought to you by Youtube
    [nomedia="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z2YKIByH0To"]YouTube- Levitation in Harry Potter[/nomedia]
     
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  11. Pocket

    aa Pocket func_croc

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    Notice also the misalignment on the window. Looks like ***sooomebodyyy*** forgot to alt-right-click when they were done moving that brush! ^^
     
  12. Lancey

    aa Lancey Currently On: ?????

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    Back in the Flipendo challenge, the color of the carpeting changes once again.

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    These priceless ming vases are placed just within smashing distance for your enjoyment. Do they have to be? No. Would you rather they weren't?
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    The castle has bottomless pits in it? Are you sure this is the safest possible location to be training young wizards in? Also of note, because the pit is magic, it boils!
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    Fortunately for all young wizards out there, this pit is equipped with four flimsy supports with misaligned texturing to catch any blocks you might drop in there. Good show!
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    Damn! I don't think they've taught me a spell that allows me to climb up this block! What are they thinking, sending me in here unprepared?
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    Wazooo! I was hoping this switch would open a secret passageway that let me get the hell out of here, but instead it opened that gate that held the star and beans.
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    Come to think of it, I don't know what a red and black striped bean would taste like, or if I'd even want to know what a green polka-dotted pink bean would taste like.
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    Pitfall Harry brand Perfectly Safe* Bottomless Pits: to enhance all your mandatory platforming needs!

    * Note: Pits are not perfectly safe. Please remember to have at least one save point on hand. Side effects may include frustration, loss of appetite, strange purple bubbles, and waking up five minutes later with one less kidney.
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    Flipping switches causes blocks to move. How? The same reason that a perfectly lit room fades to black! Magic!
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    In the wizarding world, floors are no longer required. Now we can just have blocks that hover perilously over bottomless pits and jump across, like bookcases! If only we could have floating bookcases, though...
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    There is absolutely nothing behind this block. Don't even try looking. You won't find anything. Okay, go ahead. Don't listen to me! It's not like challenge stars are worth much.
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    There is so much awesome in this game that each developer brings to the table. Sometimes the beans glow, like above, but most of the time they don't. Magic: it's inconsistent!
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    The doors in this castle open for you on their own, just like in Star Trek!
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    I can think of a way to knock anything on its backside.

    With flipendo. Duh.
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    Son of a bitch! He doesn't just hurt you, he steals your beans too, which grow to immense sizes the second Harry drops them. How can they do that? The same magic that makes those tiny little dinosaurs grow when they get wet.
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    Harry Potter: kickin' gnome ass and takin' gnome names.
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    Shit yeah! I almost died, but it was all worth it for these 20 points that have no return value whatsoever!
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    First days? How long have I been in the flipendo challenge room? Also, you probably missed the break-in at the Gringotts Bank. That was in the opening. It was pretty difficult to pull off but it's a whole lot easier once you have hostages.
     
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  13. Lancey

    aa Lancey Currently On: ?????

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    Off to broomstick class where we will no doubt learn how to sweep stuff.

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
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    Flying lesson number one: A does not speed up.
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    Flying a broomstick in this game would be fun and easy if the mouse could look up and down. Instead, W goes up and S goes down while right click speeds up and left click stops. Bitchin' awesome controls!
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    Three attempts at the same sequence later. The rings start moving after a while, which really isn't that bad because they move about a foot up and down, but remember that control in this game is probably harder then actually trying to fly a broomstick.
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    Perhaps this spell has something to do with the locked door Hermione is standing next to. Maybe I'll learn how to change the type of wood doors are made of!
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    Nuts! I was gonna get into all kinds of mischief with a spell that allows me to open anything, but now that I'm on the honor system...
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    In Hogwarts, one student is randomly selected each year and given the ability to award House Points whenever they please. This year, it's Hermione. Next year, who knows? Perhaps Ron, or maybe Draco, or maybe YOU!!
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    Unfortunately, I can't find anything to cast it on. I guess we'll sit around and wait for the lesson to begin.
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    If they're so secret why do you know about them?
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    We found a card! Strange mountains in the distance, though.
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    This mirror is magic. You can tell by the fact that there's not a speck of dirt or dust or grime anywhere on it! (This joke co-written by The Muffin Man.)
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    Of course. Beans in a chest. Because there's nothing else of value to protect in the whole damn wizarding world. Besides,
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    Everyone knows the best place to hide anything is behind a painting.
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    Like this iron chest. If only it had something more worthwhile than beans in it.
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    That's all the practice you get before you have to go to charms class. Despite Harry always being the last one there, the teachers never care. He's a better student than the kids who just spend all class shaking their heads.
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    Look out! A gnome! I'll finish him off with a blast of flipendo!
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    That's right, the symbol is a W. There is no symbol that can describe Wingardium Leviosa better than a W.
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    You may think the first spell you learn is flipendo, but it's actually follow.
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    All I see is a stone block. Perhaps I should use flipendo on it to move it to the switch, then a statue appears.
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    Professor, help! My flipendo has caused the block to lift up into the air! Maybe moving it to that switch will fix it.
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    Hurray! The doors magically opened! I guess it's time to look for the statue that I have to move to the large plate.
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    This room looks challenging, especially with those gates being unable to retract into the solid brick.
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    Hello.
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    The particles do this strange thing when blocks are above Harry's head. You'd think they'd have traced a line straight to the block, but that's just not badass enough.
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    And so the door opens, revealing our first star. Perhaps that's the statue that Professor Nitpick was talking about?
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    I'm starting to think this whole castle is non-OSHA compliant.
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    I've tried and I've tried but this damn block won't fall into oblivion. I suppose it'll be good if I put it on a stone button.
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    There are so many bottomless pits at Hogwarts. Sometimes the pits are on the upper floors. Just another example of how awesome magic is.
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    Hogwarts is a flying castle. There's no other explanation as to why there is nothing beyond the railings.
    [​IMG]
    Gasp! A secret passageway!

    What could be behind this magic stone wall?
     
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  14. The Political Gamer

    aa The Political Gamer

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    Repetitive texture is repetitive.
     
  15. Lancey

    aa Lancey Currently On: ?????

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    Advanced repetition.
     
  16. WastedMeerkat

    WastedMeerkat L3: Member

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    But that had so much potential...
     
  17. Penguin

    aa Penguin Clinically Diagnosed with Small Mapper's Syndrome

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    Is Hermione suggesting that Harry stare at her- OH NO!
     
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  18. Trotim

    aa Trotim

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    I actually had, played and liked the game back when it came out D=
     
  19. Frush

    Frush L2: Junior Member

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    Shit, I had this for PS1
     
  20. WastedMeerkat

    WastedMeerkat L3: Member

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    I rented it, but the part where you had to go to Gringott's and ride that mine cart thing was just insanely difficult. I ended up giving up and I didn't play it for the rest of the rental period.
     
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