Alpha 6
This is probably going to be the version I submit into the Back to Basics contest, unless something unforeseen happens. I watched a bunch of demos from A5 and didn't find anything that really warranted any major changes, the map doesn't play exactly like most King of the Hill maps but I am totally fine with that, not everything needs to be carbon copy of something and players seem to be having fun. Still, I did find some things that were worth changing.
There is now a third spawn exit for those fringe cases where a team actually manages to get full control of the enemy team's main lobby, it is tucked away from the main spawn exits and should let players sneak past any enemies trying to spawn camp. I also changed the health kit next to the lower point into a small one and moved the medium one into the stairwell between the two floors. This way players on both levels have to walk equal distance to get all their health back, balance in all things.
Also look at me, writing all this text about a map that was supposed to be a shitpost, really makes you think.