Why I don't think I can continue mapping here anymore :(

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by HQDefault, Feb 20, 2015.

  1. HQDefault

    aa HQDefault ...what

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    Huh... so... where do I begin...

    Okay, so general I like to view myself as a very nice person, I try to treat everyone I meet well, and on the internet, I'm usually the guy to call someone out for saying something uncalled for.

    Here I feel the exact opposite.

    Over the past couple of months I've been making more and more social mistakes that wind up getting called out for, and, while I haven't been diagnosed with anything mental related, I swear to god I have some sort of chronic guilt disorder. I made on joke that's a little to far off (and outside of this forum, it's something seen daily) it was called out...

    I spent the next hour in my room crying.

    Generally speaking, I'm rather young, so I don't understand a lot of these things, and I've never even been a social person, thus I know little about social relations. Basically, it's easier for me than most people to mess up, and on top of that, when I do mess up, I throw myself off a cliff for it. Needless to say I can't take another blow to the chest. While mapping is the most fun I've had in a long time, I figured my well-being and emotional status should come first.


    That all aside, I'd like to thank you all for the best 7 months of my life :')
     
  2. HQDefault

    aa HQDefault ...what

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    I should also probably mention that, I really don't want to leave. It's just I feel I have limited options. It's either stay here and map but have my heart shattered, or leave but be bored again. I'm very conflicted and it's kind of a lose-lose situation.
     
  3. Egan

    aa Egan

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    You can always find alternatives. For instance here's some good custom map servers:
    MicSnobs: http://steamcommunity.com/groups/MicSnobsTF2
    ÜberForce: http://steamcommunity.com/groups/forcethatuber
    I found tf2maps.net in 2009, and visited some gamedays, but spent a majority of my time on the community surf servers mapping for their events and things, which is a very different experience since you get to know a different crowd. I only really made a major appearance when I got bored of surf and moved to standard objective at tf2maps, and so while I think tf2maps would be the main place for standard objective, it's probably doable to get some basic testing in other places.

    I can sympathise with the weird social stuff, and I assume others here can too since we spend a majority of our time on the internet. I remember being called a 'dick' very early in my tf2 career, and as a quiet nice kid who was never insulted, even though it was a small thing it really irked me for a while.. Was I actually being a dick? What did I do wrong to this man? But I guess just after some experience online I know there would be a ton of reasons why that guy called me a dick: some people are like that - quick to insult, maybe he was joking, maybe he was having a bad time, maybe there was negative connotation behind playing a w+m1 pyro that I didn't know about at the time, etc.
     
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  4. Fantasma

    aa Fantasma

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    You have 570 posts, it was statistically inevitable you'd get a few rough-comments about what you say or say something off-putting in someone's eyes.

    But it's a lot better than having 0 posts.
     
  5. Sergis

    aa Sergis L666: ])oo]v[

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    stop overthinking ang grow a thicker skin





    pussy :cursing:
     
  6. Uncuepa

    aa Uncuepa

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    Just ignore people here and keep mapping. If someone calls you a faggot on the internet, they don't do it to make you cry, they do it to argue. Just log off, come back the next day and ignore the mean crap.

    I'm gonna be honest here. I think you post a little too much. But you're probably a great guy, and I would have fun talking to you, but when I stand up from my PC I don't think about you, so you shouldn't think about me. Or anyone here. Because people here don't have an affect on your life. It takes time, but learn to be more tolerant of people. I did it as a teenager, too. I used to care if someone hated me. But I learnt to rationalize it. They live their lives, and I live mine. They don't need to affect each other.
     
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  7. Muddy

    Server Staff Muddy Muddy

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    Don't beat yourself up over something you did by mistake! See it as a learning experience. "People don't like it when I do this, so I shouldn't do it."

    Please don't leave. :(
     
  8. YM

    aa YM LVL100 YM

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    You made a joke, you got called out for saying something you shouldn't have, you feel guilty about it and never wish to repeat it.

    Good job! You're turning from a child who doesn't understand how what they do affects other people, into a decent human adult.

    You'll go through a bunch of these experiences, and they suck, but you'll come out the other side a better person.
     
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  9. PyroDevil

    PyroDevil L3: Member

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    I do understand the situation you find yourself in. A few weeks after I first joined, I made a joke that was offensive. When I got called out, I had this horrible feeling inside me. While I did delete the post and apologized for it, I kept thinking about it for the entire day, always in the back of my mind. I though that people were going to remember me as the guy that made that offensive joke. Looking back, I realize that what I said was wrong, but I don't beat myself up for it. I understand what I did wrong, and I try to avoid doing it again.
    If you mess up, understand what you did wrong, and try not to do it again.
     
  10. HQDefault

    aa HQDefault ...what

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    Well, here's the thing: I don't just beat myself up for me saying something uncalled for by accident. I do it with almost EVERYTHING I do wrong :(

    But what makes it all worse is the fact that I hear the joke that I made on a daily basis. At home, on the internet, at school, heck, even the TEACHERS made that joke every so often, but here it's a sin.

    Which makes me really paranoid that I'm gonna hit another one of those jokes, and the cycle repeats itself.
     
  11. MystycCheez

    MystycCheez L1: Registered

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    People get offended too easily imho.
     
  12. HQDefault

    aa HQDefault ...what

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    Alright, I thought it through.


    I figured that mapping has been one of the better experiences of my life, and leaving this place would just be a waste.

    If worst comes to worst I'll just stop making jokes
     
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  13. Muddy

    Server Staff Muddy Muddy

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    Keep making jokes if you want. If people get offended by them, then lesson learned. Again, don't beat yourself up over it - instead, learn from your mistakes!

    Hell, it's like mapping. If you make a bad design decision, don't do it again!
     
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  14. Crash

    aa Crash func_nerd

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    Something important to keep on mind here is that we tend to be a bit more politically correct than other sites. This actually makes us one of the more accepting places on the internet.

    So jokes that might be commonly used elsewhere might not go over as well here.
     
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  15. radarhead

    aa radarhead Level 20 "Mapper"

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    If this is about the OCD joke... it's not a problem, tons of people casually use the term OCD is that way. I see it all the time, nothing to get worked up over. Different communities react to different things differently.

    Don't quit the site, we need more people who really enjoy mapping like you do.
     
  16. HQDefault

    aa HQDefault ...what

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    Eventually, I just decided to see it this way:

    This website is more like real life than the internet and it should be treated as such.
     
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  17. PC's_Frank

    PC's_Frank L4: Comfortable Member

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    Im sorry about this, man. Believe it or not, I actually know how you feel. I realize this is easier said than done, but don't let it get to you. When you find yourself thinking of that, try focusing on something else.
     
  18. BigBros

    BigBros L3: Member

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    Look. Most of us here are pretty tough-skinned. We can get over something someone says. If you say something really stupid/offensive, the biggest thing you have to do is say sorry. And, as decent human beings, we should accept that and move on. Life moves on.
     
  19. Waffe

    Waffe L4: Comfortable Member

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    So... what was the joke? It's rude not to share
     
  20. LeSwordfish

    aa LeSwordfish semi-trained quasi-professional

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    guys somebody apologising after offending someone on the internet is a thing that happens once a milennia, please cool your shit with the "its fine! say it again! everybody's too offended these days!"

    like personally for my part i think you said something mildly offensive and got very mildly shut down for it.
     
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