The Gaben that Stole Smissmas

Discussion in 'Team Fortress 2 Talk' started by BigBros, Dec 22, 2014.

  1. BigBros

    BigBros L3: Member

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    Every Merc Down in Dustbowl Liked Smissmas a lot...
    But the Gaben ,Who lived just north of Dustbowl, Did NOT!
    The Gaben hated Smissmas! The whole Smissmas season!
    Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
    It could be his valve wasn't screwed on just right.
    It could be, perhaps, that his VAC was too tight.
    But I think that the most likely reason of all,
    May have been that his glasses were two sizes too small.
    Whatever the reason, His glasses or his VAC,
    He stood there on Smissmas Eve, hating the Mercs,
    Staring down from de_dustII with a sour, Grinchy frown,
    At the warm lighted windows below in their town.
    For he knew every Merc down in Dustbowl beneath,
    Was busy now, hanging a mistletoe wreath.
    "And they're hanging their stockings!" he snarled with a sneer,
    "Tomorrow is Smissmas! It's practically here!"
    Then he growled, with his Gabeish fingers nervously drumming,
    "I MUST find some way to stop Smissmas from coming!"
    For Tomorrow, he knew, all the Merc pyros and scouts,
    Would wake bright and early. They'd rush for their hats!
    And then! Oh, the noisemaker! Oh, the Noisemakers!
    Noisemakers! Noisemakers! Noisemakers!
    That's one thing he hated! The NOISEMAKERS!
    NOISEMAKERS! NOISEMAKERS! NOISEMAKERS!
    Then the Mercs, young and old, would sit down to a feast.
    And they'd feast! And they'd feast! And they'd FEAST!
    FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!
    They would feast on Merc-pudding, and rare Pyro-roast beast.
    Which was something the Gaben couldn't stand in the least!
    And THEN They'd do something He liked least of all!
    Every Merc down in Dustbowl, the tall and the small,
    Would stand close together, with Smissmas bells ringing.
    They'd stand hand-in-hand. And the Mercs would start taunting!
    They'd taunt! And they'd taunt! And they'd TAUNT!
    TAUNT! TAUNT! TAUNT!
    And the more the Grinch thought of this Merc Smissmas Gunsling,
    The more the Gaben thought, "I must stop this whole thing!"
    "Why, for eight years I've put up with it now!"
    "I MUST stop this Smissmas from coming! But HOW?"
    Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
    THE GABEN GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
    "I know just what to do!" The Gaben laughed in his throat.
    And he made a quick Kringle Collection and B.M.O.C.
    And he chuckled, and clucked, "What a great Gabeny trick!"
    "With this coat and this hat, I look just like Saint Nick!"
    "All I need is a ballonicorn..." The Gaben looked around.
    But, since balloonicorn are scarce, there was none to be found.
    Did that stop the old Gaben? No! The Gaben simply said,
    "If I can't find a balloonicorn, I'll make one instead!"


    Where is Smissmas???

    This is part 1. I will continue this thrilling thriller filled with thrilling frilled thrills tomorrow.

    Unless the GABEN releases Smissmas. Sorry in some parts it didn't rhyme, I tried to keep the rhyme structure as close as I could to the original, but it was really difficult in some parts.
     
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  2. shadowslasher11

    aa shadowslasher11

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    I think this would've worked better if you used Andrew Wilson, (EA's CEO) lol.
     
  3. BigBros

    BigBros L3: Member

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    Lol. That would of been cool. Maybe next year. It is just sort of a monologue about Smissmas, and why it ISNT FUCKING HERE I WANT TO WASTE MONEY ON CRATES WHY GABEN HAVE SOOTH FORSAKEN ME.