TF2: The Movie

Discussion in 'Team Fortress 2 Talk' started by notalbanian, Aug 18, 2009.

  1. notalbanian

    notalbanian L1: Registered

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    NARRATOR: For all of recorded history, a small sect of people have worshiped a mysterious god. He gave them food and water when they needed it most. When gunpowder was discovered by the Chinese, this god gave them bullets and cannonballs. People attempted to harness the power of this god, but failed until RED and BLU came along. They compressed the spirit of this god into tiny mechanical parts [Fade in to RED scout double-jumping across the bridge in 2fort], and called it Dispenser. This is its story.
    SCOUT: Need a dispenser here! Need a dispenser here! Need a dispenser here! Need a dispenser here! Need a dispenser here! Need a dispenser here! Need a dispenser here! Need a dispenser here! Need a dispenser here! Need a dispenser here! Need a dispenser here!
    NARRATOR: Dispenser was angry at this repeated and vain invocation of his name. The Engineers, the same creatures that distilled Dispenser into a machine, had developed defenses against these heretics.
    [Scout shoots several BLU Snipers with the Force-A-Nature, rounds the corner towards the intel, and gets mowed down by a BLU L3 Sentry]
    NARRATOR: But even the great Sentry was not an effective defense, because of the unholy creatures known as Spies and the Scout's great speed. [Sentry is sapped while the Scout circle-strafes around it with the Sandman and kills the engineer with the ball] Dispenser decided to exile the heretics to a land so terrible that they, their sons, their grandsons, their great-grandsons, and the Scout's mother would forever regret their decision. He called this land 2fort. [Pan to the bridge, where RED pyro is W+M1ing across]
    PYRO: Hudda hudda huh!
    [Pyro gets headshot by a BLU sniper]
    [BLU Sniper gets headshot by a RED sniper shooting from the bottom]

    More coming soon. Comments?
     
  2. Jimmy

    Jimmy L7: Fancy Member

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    lolwhut.
     
  3. Hanz

    aa Hanz Ravin' Rabbid

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    whutlol.
     
  4. Gaw

    Gaw L4: Comfortable Member

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    Leave it to Valve pl0x.

    Now someone ban this guy.
     
  5. ChickenHunter

    ChickenHunter L4: Comfortable Member

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    or you could use the story Valve already made:
    Nine mercenaries have come together for a job. It's the middle-ish part of a century a lot like the one we just had. A simpler time. There are three TV stations, one phone company, and two holding corporations that secretly control every government on the planet. Each corporation administers its half of the world with a multi-disciplined army of paper pushers. For any problem lacking an obvious bureaucratic solution, mercenaries like these are contracted to address the situation through a massive application of force.
     
  6. notalbanian

    notalbanian L1: Registered

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    Yes, but that's not very funny.
     
  7. HeaH

    HeaH L8: Fancy Shmancy Member

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    Why do you even post this on a mapping site? Go to the steam forums with this!
     
  8. notalbanian

    notalbanian L1: Registered

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    I was planning to make some maps, but Hammer hates my computer, thus why I have nothing else to do here other then post in OT.
     
  9. Engineer

    aa Engineer

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    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Aug 18, 2009
  10. Peterm

    Peterm Banned

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    lol they shud make tf2 harry potter tf2 star wars etc etc
     
  11. notalbanian

    notalbanian L1: Registered

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  12. Jack Riguel

    Jack Riguel L10: Glamorous Member

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    Uh... gah.. just. >.<

    *sigh* Don't even know what to say...

    EDIT: Wait yes I do. Right the whole story then maybe someday Djy1991 will make it his next project. Then we'll all have a good laugh and forget this EVER happened.
     
  13. notalbanian

    notalbanian L1: Registered

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    [RED Scout, RED Soldier, and RED Heavy are in BLU intel. Soldier has the intel]
    Scout: What are you waiting for? Get the intel to the base already!
    Soldier: Wait.
    Heavy: Waiting is for BABIES!
    Soldier: Listen, maggots. In our operations against the BLU intelligence we have suffered appalling casualties. I believe that we need to find if this is for a justifiable military purpose.
    Scout: In English?
    Soldier: We need to find out what's inside that briefcase.
    Heavy (pointing and laughing): Inside briefcase is pictures of scout's mother!
    (Soldier points and laughs)
    (Scout takes out Sandman)
    Heavy: Oh no, baby is going to kill me with little child toy! I am so afraid!
    (Scout taunt-kills Heavy)
    Scout: Home-frickin'-run!
    Soldier: Word.
    Scout: But you're not black... Oh shit. (Scout shoots Soldier with the Force-A-Nature, revealing him to be a BLU spy)
    Scout: Might as well look inside. (Scout pries the briefcase open with the Soldier's shovel)
    Scout: What the-
    (The briefcase contains several of every hat in TF2)
    Scout (on team chat): Hey everyone, I got hats! Hats for sale! Come to BLU intel and bring all your weapons!
    (A RED spy comes in)
    Spy: Are you the scout?
    Scout: What do I look like? (Scout reloads Force-A-Nature)
    Spy: I'm from Valve. You appear to have found an exploit. We don't want anyone knowing about this.
    Scout (trying on a hat): Do you have any clue how much these things are worth?
    Spy: Yes, I do. That's why I'm prepared to-
    Scout: Sorry, no deal. (Scout shoots Spy with the Force-A-Nature)
    (Spy uncloaks a few seconds later)
    Scout: How did you get here so fast?
    Spy: Did you even read the server description? This is 24/7 instant-respawn 2fort.
    Scout: 24/7 2fort?
    Spy: With instant respawn. Don't forget that part.
    (Scout shoots himself in the foot)
    Spy: That got patched a long time ago.
    (Scout shoots himself in the head)
    Spy: That doesn't work anymore with the FaN nerf. Don't blame me.