MTT Parody [Game]

Hey all. I have invented a game called Meet the Team parody. In order to play, you must grab parts of all of a meet the team video, then change it. I will start (make sure to state the original meet the team video):

Meet the Soldier:
If buying hats is sure to result in victory, then you must buy hats! Sun Tzu said that, and I'd say he knows a little more about buying hats than you do, pal, because he invented it, and then he perfected it so that no living man could best him in the buying hat business. Then, he used his hat money... ...to buy two of every hat on earth, and then he herded them onto a shelf... ...and then he sold the crap out of every single one. And from that day forward any time a bunch of hats are together in one place it's called a 'collection'! Unless it's a trading server!

I am a Hat Seller, and this is my collection. The collection has 150 hats and sells 20 hats per hour. It profits 4 refined per 12 seconds.

Many people think that they can outsmart me. Maybe. Maybe. But I have yet to meet one that can outsmart HATS.