Profound moments in portal

Tapp

L10: Glamorous Member
Jan 26, 2009
776
215
I just had an interesting conversation with a friend of mine, playing through portal for the first time. He was already in chamber 12 when I got a hold of him, but I thought I'd post the chat log. So, ITT, any stories about friends of yours playing games for the first time.

Code:
Friend and me on steam chat:
Friend: ima playing Portal!
Friend: Im up to 12
Friend: 13
Tapp: cool dawg
Tapp: I bet, if I started now, I could beat you
Friend: I finally am in control of both portals
Friend: The only reason I started was because my wow game time ran out
Tapp: lol
Tapp: we are pleased to present an amusing factA:
Tapp: the portal device is now more valuable than the combined income and vital organs of everyone from 'subject town: here'
Friend: This device is now more valuable than all the organs and parts of everyone in :"voiceclip"
Friend: :P
Tapp: LOL1
Tapp: did you get my txt msg?
Friend: No
Friend: I cant find mah phone!
Tapp: I'm not playing WoW until you finish portal
Friend: lolk
Tapp: do you want me to call it?
Friend: nah its off
Friend: Think like a portsl..
Tapp: now you're thinking with portals
Friend: Wait what
Tapp: wait, you're on chamber 14, right?
Friend: When th testing is over I will be missed
Friend: rHAX
Friend: Im in chamber 14 now
Tapp: I can do chamber 14 in <2 minutes
Tapp: there's a trick to it
Tapp: you know the lift at the exit?
Tapp: if you has skillz, you don't need it
Friend: How
Tapp: but only if
Friend: Holy shit stairs come up
Tapp: yah
Tapp: in portal 2 that shit will be everywhere
Friend: How the fuck do I do that
Friend: wWaitttt
Friend: There are 2 lift
Tapp: ?
Friend: There are 3 lifts in this thing
Tapp: I know
Tapp: the one that isn't in toxic sludge is the exit
Friend: OOOOH I CAN JUMP WITH PORTALS
Tapp: *clap* *clap*
Friend: FUck yeah I got the bos
Friend: bos
Friend: box***
Tapp: in one of the challenge modes you need to do that about 6 times in a row while holding a radio
Tapp: it's fucking hard
Friend: oh shit sludge
Tapp: LOL!
Friend: Is this the wrong one
Tapp: ?
Friend: dw
Tapp: just wait until 16
Tapp: "due to mandatory maintenance, the following test chamber will be replaced with a...
Friend: Victory lift...
Tapp: see, I can do it without the victory life
Tapp: *lift
Friend: how
Tapp: you know how you got the cube?
Friend: Omfg I could have just jumped
Friend: FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUu
Tapp: HAHAHAHA
Friend: 15
Tapp: you need to think laterally at all times
Tapp: haha, the challenge mode of 15 is THE SHIT
Tapp: but I did it
Friend: Fck yeah fling!
Tapp: yeh
Tapp: I'm seriously considering doing this with you
Friend: Holy balls this is confusing as fuck
Friend: Wait we can both do it together?
Tapp: dude, it gets more confusing
Friend: HOW
Tapp: no
Tapp: just at the same time
Friend: oh
Tapp: so I know what you're doing
Friend: How do I clear all portals
Tapp: you don't really need to
Tapp: but you can walk through a glowing cleanser
Tapp: but i can imancipate crowns, dental filling, tooth enamal and teeth
Friend: The portals disappear??
Friend: DAFUCK
Friend: HAX
Tapp: if you go through an emancipation grill
Friend: yes
Tapp logs conversation for further use
Friend: Oh fucking dang I am so pro
Tapp: have you reached the bit end bit with the lifts?
Friend: I just got the first lift activated
Friend: Now im in a room with heaps of black floor
Tapp: hmm
Tapp: I don't remember that bit
Tapp: oh, that place
Tapp: I spent like forever on that bit
Friend: Oh I got this
Friend: Easy
Friend: I know what to do
Friend: I think
Tapp: oh, here comes the bit
Tapp: now I know where you are
Tapp: muahahaha
Friend: Oh dang im over
Friend: Portal wihle flinging
Friend: :D
Tapp: yah
Friend: oOh shit now its hard aye
Tapp: the first 19 chambers are training, man
Friend: for?
Tapp: chamber 19
Friend: LOL
Tapp: +?
Tapp: chamber 19 is special
Friend: how
Tapp: you will start to understand during chamber 16
Friend: Im in chamber 16
Friend: Am I?
Tapp: "due to mandatory maintenance, the following test chamber will be replaced with a...
Tapp: complete that and I'll believe you
Friend: Uh im stuck
Tapp: where?
Friend: oh wait no
Friend: ew moving platforms
Tapp: you don't need to use them
Friend: wait what the fuck
Tapp: are you in the button room?
Friend: THey just move to my doom
Tapp: oh, those ones
Friend: I just opend the door to the moving platforms
Friend: I guess i just portal on to them
Tapp: if you walk up to the elevator platforms they move
Tapp: Veeeeeeeery slowly
Friend: I got this
Tapp: hehehe, chamber 16 is coming up
Tapp: "due to mandatory maintenance, the following test chamber will be replaced with a...
Friend: fuk k
Friend: Ew I missed it
Tapp: now, imagine what you're doing right now, except that the timer takes 1/3 the time
Tapp: that is the fucking shit
Tapp: took me like an hour
Friend: ew
Friend: What this level?
Tapp: "due to mandatory maintenance, the following test chamber will be replaced with a...
Friend: stfu!
Tapp: spoilolz
Friend: uhm wtf there are 2 platforms
Tapp: yeh, so?
Friend: Gah if I died right now
Tapp: did you know that you can donate one or all of your vital organs to the aperture science self-esteem fund for girls?
Tapp: It's true!
Friend: dude what the fuck
Friend: There are 2 buttons I need to press
Tapp: yep
Friend: Oh fuck I see now
Friend: Hm let me think
Friend: Oh I just got that quote
Friend: Stop spoiling
Tapp: "due to mandatory scheduled maintenance, the following test chamber will be replaced with a...
Tapp: "due to mandatory scheduled maintenance, the following test chamber will be replaced with a...
Tapp: "due to mandatory scheduled maintenance, the following test chamber will be replaced with a...
Tapp: "due to mandatory scheduled maintenance, the following test chamber will be replaced with a...
Friend: Due stop
Friend: Everytime I reply I have to pause the ghame
Tapp: fine
Tapp: I'm just so glad ur finally playing it
Friend: A live fire course for milatary androids
Friend: FFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Tapp: haha
Friend: Holy shit
Tapp: good luck
Tapp: you're going to android hell
Friend: Can this glass break?
Tapp: nope
Tapp: there is no breakable glass
Tapp: it's like fucking blackmesa in there
Friend: Can I kill these bots
Tapp: yes
Friend: How
Tapp: bump into them
Friend: Fuck these things are annoying
Tapp: get behind it and bump into it
Tapp: god that sounded sus
Friend: Nothing is happening
Tapp: just knock it over, k?
Friend: HA I KILLED IT BITCH SUCK ON MY DICK STUPID TALKING GUN
Tapp: Haha
Tapp: "no hard feelings"
Friend: Where am I
Friend: Im in like a storeroom or someshit
Friend: And there a clattering sounds
Tapp: congrats
Tapp: there's at leasto ne in
Tapp: every map from now on
Friend: The cake is a lie
Tapp: haha! you get it now!
Tapp: do you?
Friend: Get what?
Friend: WHat cake
Tapp: fuck, you missed it
Friend: Wait wasnt I promised cake?
Tapp: yes
Friend: At the start or something
Friend: OMFG
Friend: BITCH
Friend: LIED
Friend: FFFFFUUUUUUUUUU
Tapp: haha
Tapp: I am soooo showing sean this log
Friend: So what
Friend: What does it mean?
Friend: If there is no cake
Tapp: just remember that
Friend: I also see help about 6 times
Tapp: the next 3 chambers will tell you more
Tapp: well, do you see an escape?
Friend: Dude what the fuck
Tapp: ?
Friend: All I see is like 2 red crosses
Tapp: think what did you just find?
Friend: 2 red crosses
Tapp: what was blocking the entrance to the secret area?
Friend: boxes
Friend: OH
Friend: FO SHIZZLE MY NIZZLE
Friend: Aha got you bitch!
Friend: Whoa fuck I got hit by some bullets
Tapp: now, imagin a version in which you cannot knock over the turrets
Tapp: that is the challenge version
Friend: tHATS IMPOSSIBLE
Friend: Whhops caps
Tapp: I did it
Friend: Can you block their bullets with the box?
Tapp: yes, but only temporarily
Tapp: they shoot it away
Friend: I can hear music
Friend: The same music from the start
Tapp: look around
Friend: Dude this is inredibly hard
Friend: Harder than before
Tapp: like I said, imagin if you couldn't knock them over
Tapp: btw, you can save
Tapp: and it makes a checkpoint
Friend: Oh so now that I saved
Friend: I have a checkpoint
Tapp: I feel like giving you some really ambiguous references
Tapp: I <3 chamber 17
Friend: Omg a radio :D
Tapp: there's another easter egg
Tapp: there's a radio in every radio...
Tapp: and if you put the radio in one specific spot...
Friend: Wait what
Tapp: it plays morse code
Friend: HOw do I do it for this one
Tapp: just look around
Tapp: it's like tuning a tv
Tapp: you just need to find the spot
Tapp: I found all of them
Tapp: aw shit
Tapp: my computer's like, crashing or something
Friend: What
Friend: Dude I cant find the spot D:
Tapp: forget about it
Tapp: it's too late to get the achievement, anyway
Friend: So how does this checkpoint thing work
Tapp: just hit f6 whenever you wanta  checkpoint
Friend: Oh sweet
Friend: Lol it cant see me if im behind 2 boxes
Tapp: yeh
Tapp: but if it does see you it'll shoot the boxes
Friend: Dude there are like 3 in the last room
Friend: Wtf how do I do that
Tapp: do them one at a time
Tapp: you have a pile of cubes where the radio is
Friend: How, they are all bunched up
Tapp: just use teh cubes
Friend: Can the guns kill other guns
Tapp: yes
Tapp: and you get an achievement if you knock one over by hitting it with another
Friend: Im a fucking tard
Friend: I didnt realise I could fir underneath them
Tapp: lol
Tapp: I like putting 1 portal next to you, and one under the turret
Tapp: instant lols
Friend: I totally forgot the portals >_>
Tapp: seriously, try it
Friend: Holy fuck I open the lift and BAM gun
Tapp: lol
Tapp: I was waiting for that
Friend: Achievement earned: Friendly Fire
Tapp: woo
Tapp: that's your second achievement
Tapp: you'll get another in chamber 17
Tapp: I <3 chamber 17]
Friend: Fukc yesh finished
Tapp: I <3 chamber 17
Friend: LOL Android hell
Tapp: chamber 17 E> me
Friend: This is getting so much harder
Tapp: wait until chamber 19
Tapp: I <3 chamber 17
Friend: Aww companion cube :D
Tapp: It will accompany you throughout the test chamber
Friend: wNo guns?
Friend: no guns*
Tapp: please take care of it
Friend: it even helps me get up stairs :D
Tapp: it's so great
Tapp: you should take pictures
Tapp: press f5 to take a picture
Tapp: it's funny, you know how they came up with this level?
Friend: How
Friend: It even blocks ray bullets <3
Tapp: they read that in military situations in which a person is alone for a long time, they tended to befriend inanimate objects
Friend: lol
Tapp: and then the objects threaten to stab them
Friend: LOL OWNED
Tapp: the cake is a lie but the cube is forever
Friend: HAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA
Friend: I found the secret room!
Tapp: woo
Tapp: read it carfully
Friend: I candt
Friend: Its ineligable
Tapp: shitty graphx?
Friend: Portal render depth
Friend: Turn that up?
Tapp: no
Tapp: texture detail
Friend: Still pretty bad
Tapp: forget about it then
Tapp: it's not that important
Tapp: but you get the gist of it, right?
Friend: login: cjohnson
Friend: password: tier3?
Tapp: it's a small easter egg, nothing special
Friend: That part?
Friend: Just tell me
Tapp: some shit about radioactive shower curtains and stuff, I'll tell you later
Tapp: basically aperture science began as a shower curtain company, then cave johnson (the founder) got poisoned. One of his 3 dying wishes was an ad-hoc portal with possible implications as a shower curtain
Friend: lolwut?
Friend: lol!
Tapp: the navy didn't want to give him a contract, so he made a radioactive shower curtain to assassinate them
Tapp: he also invented the reverse heimlech maneuver, designed to undo the effects of a life-saving heimlech maneuver
Friend: Haaaha
Tapp: he also started the take-a-wish foundation, which stole wishes from dying kids and gave them to healty, but wish-deprived others
Friend: Dude this shit is impossible
Tapp: which part?
Friend: Where do I get these laser beam balls from
Tapp: there were 2 near the start
Friend: FFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Tapp: did you forget?
Friend: no
Friend: Fuck brb
Tapp: mk
Friend: Actually I might stop playing for a bit >_>
Friend: How long are you going to stay on for
Tapp: late
Friend: This game is draining
Tapp: why?
Friend: Im going to be back on in an hour ish
Tapp: ur weak
Friend: I have stuff to do
Friend: Dinner to eat
Tapp: mk
Friend: TV show to watch
Tapp: it didn't stop you in WoW
Friend: Ill be back on soon
Friend: Thats because in Wow I cant just pause and continue
Friend: and I wasnt in the middle of a dungeon with 5 others relying on me
Friend: In a single player game I can pause and continue
Friend: anyway
Friend: afk
Friend: Illl be back at like 9:00
Friend: 9:30
Friend: ish
Tapp: I'll probably be kicked off
Tapp: I'll sneak back on
Friend: lolk
Tapp: you shoulda done a profound moments thing
Tapp: like in those videos
Friend: I reckon
Friend: OMFG A cube
Friend: Omg a lser
Tapp: WHY IS IT SO LOUD
Friend: ill jsut put the cube her UFKC FUKC FUKC FUKC NOOO
Tapp: OMG! look at the detail on this freakin cube
Friend: lol
Tapp: The cube pooped its pants
Friend: It has a little heart..
Tapp: he's like, shake and bake man
Friend: -While flinging- OMG OMG OMG OMG FFUUUUCCCKK
Tapp: I'm gonna do this with 1 HP, and beatht he shit out of everything witha  freakin turret
Tapp: oh man, that would be epic
Friend: We should make on
Friend: e
Friend: :D
Tapp: if we ever get 'Other friend' on
Friend: Yes!
Friend: :D
Friend: You me and 'Other friend'
Tapp: or, on portal 2, in coop
Friend: You, 'Other friend' and I
Friend: :D
Tapp: YEH!
Friend: Dude, dude pick up the turret
Tapp: then we'll all be new
Friend: Yeah
Friend: TURRET WARS
Tapp: and I'll be like, FUCK YEH
Tapp: OMG A FUCKING CHARGER
Friend: -hit each other with turrets-
Tapp: Loansharks!
Friend: Outrun a laser
Tapp: fuck yeh
Friend: then duck
Friend: and the other person gets hit
Tapp: they have real lazorz in portal 2
Tapp: so we can kill each other with them
Friend: :D
Friend: Anyway
Tapp: like, fling someone into goo
Friend: I have to go
Tapp: cya
Friend: Dinner is served!
Friend: Cya
Tapp: I know ur not there, but I'm putting this log on the interwebs
Friend is now Away.
-----Extension#1-----
Tapp: http://forums.tf2maps.net/showthread.php?p=156835
Friend is now Online.
Friend: Oh no you dont!
Friend: OMFG NUB
Tapp is eating dinner. Be done in 15-20 mins
Tapp: continue logging ur progress
Friend: How the fu-
Friend: So Im just going to continue playing while you log my progress and eventually submit it to the interwebs without my consent?
Tapp: yep
Friend: Dude this is the shit
Friend: Im watching myself watch myself falling through  a portal in to a portal
Friend: Fuck thsi is impossible
Friend: Wait
Friend: Can cameras be used as weights?
Friend: FUCK
Friend: I GOT HIT
Friend: I am so evil
Friend: I glitched the door to stay open by jamming a camera in ther
Friend: Oh wait no
Friend: Scratch that
Friend: FUCK THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE
Friend: Oh wait
Friend: no
Friend: FUCK
Friend: ITS SO SIMPLE
Tapp: still on 17?
Tapp: yes
Tapp: you are
Friend: Right I got this
Friend: Fucking poles
Friend: HA FUCK YES!
Friend: noooooo my cube
Friend: FUCK
Friend: Fuck yeah 18
Friend: or 17
Friend: I havent a clue
Friend: Wait wait wait
Friend: "You will be baked and then there will be cake"
Friend: FUCK
Friend: FFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUU
Friend: Damnit this game is a fucking teaser
Friend: I swaer
Friend: You fall in a pit of toxic waste
Friend: or some shit
Friend: and you die
Friend: But instead of instantly respawning
Friend: It lets you sit tehre for 10 seconds
Friend: As if to rub in the fact that you died
Friend: FIEUWOUW#*))(U_
Friend: HA YESX
Friend: Oh shit
Friend: Guns
Friend: Holy fuck
Friend: FUCK
Friend: It killed me
Friend: I made a portal right next to me
Friend: Then shot the other one in front of the gun
Friend: and it killed me
Friend: Fucking bitch
Friend: OOOH
Friend: I can use them to create blindspots
Friend: Oh shit no I cant
Friend: FUCK
Friend: WTFFF THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE
Friend: FUCK FUCK FUC FUFKUFBEWYR(*#& RAGE
Friend: ha one down
Friend: FUCK
Friend: I FELL AGAIN
Tapp: whoa
Tapp: /logs
Friend: Fuckgin sif
Tapp: you still on 18?
Friend: Ye
Friend: This shit is impossible
Tapp: well, 19 is next
Tapp: and then...
Tapp: well...
Tapp: you'll see
Tapp: are you doing the thing where you need to bounce up the platforms, or the room with the turrets?
Friend: Room with turrets
Tapp: have you worked out how to dislodge them?
Friend: Ive dislodged 2
Friend: I have 2 left
Friend: Or were there only 3 in the beginned?
Friend: beginning*
Tapp: idk
Tapp: how are you removing them?
Friend: By pretty much running out while they fire at me and hope I get lucky
Tapp: look around the room
Tapp: the solution is there
Friend: Gee really?
Tapp: and there is a radio in the room
Friend: Thanks sherlock holmes
Friend: yeah..
Friend: I threw that in the water
Friend: ._.
Tapp: let me give you a hint
Friend: no dont
Friend: fuck you
Tapp: ok
Friend: I will do this myself1
Tapp: just look around
Friend: FFU
Friend: Is there a clear button?
Friend: To remove the portals
Friend: Ther must be
Tapp: nope
Tapp: why would you need to?
Friend: FUCKK THIS SHIT
Friend: I AM GOING TO FUCKING RAGEQUIT SO SOON
Tapp: why?
Tapp: ur weak
Tapp: plus the game is almost over
Friend: Fuck I dont give a flying fuck
Friend: Whether the game just begun
Friend: Or if I have 5 mins left
Tapp: are you that stuck?
Friend: I know what to do
Friend: Its DOING it that is majorly pissing me off
Tapp: it's actually a lot easier than what ur doing
Friend: Now how the hell would you know what I am doing
Tapp: you're trying to jump the turrets
Friend: FFFUUUUUUCCCCKKK I ALMOST HAD IT I MISSED THE FUCKING PORTAL FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUU
Friend: FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
Tapp: so ur trying to fling urself?
Friend: HA FUCK YES
Friend: I got the ball of light in to the receiver thingy
Tapp: :D
Friend: What did that achieve
Tapp: the platform is moving
Friend: Oh the platform is moving
Friend: And now there are 2 turrets still sitting ther
Tapp: /facepalm
Friend: shh I got this
Friend: I know what to do
Tapp: you may need to restart
Tapp: the level
Friend: Yeeah fuck you turret
Tapp: but a sheer application of skill can work
Friend: Shh watch this
Tapp: I'd love to
Friend: I am about to rape the last turret
Tapp is watching
Friend: haaahahahaa
Friend: I killed it!
Tapp: nice
Tapp: now, do you want to know what you were supposed to do?
Friend: I know what I did worked
Tapp: you could have just used the energy orbs to knock them over
Friend: But essentially take out the turrets with the laser thing
Friend: Thats what I did for the last 2
Tapp: oh, good
Friend: Tard
Tapp: I thought you were trying to rambo it
Tapp: good thing
Tapp: sorry for making such an absurd assumption
Friend: Lol
Friend: Wait what what the FUCK
Tapp: make sure to save
Friend: How the hell do I get a box
Tapp: there's one up top
Friend: No shit, I mean how do I get therfe
Friend: Dont tell me
Tapp: f-f-f-f-f-f-fl...
Friend: FUCK YOU
Friend: hm
Tapp: soz
Friend: I might be able to fling..
Friend: ;D
Friend: hah
Friend: and that is how we muthafucking do it
Friend: oh look
Tapp: hehe, ur gonna like the next bit
Friend: I fell in to the toxic water
Friend: good news is my box survived
Tapp: brb maybe
Tapp: lol
Tapp: /afk
Friend: FFFU
Friend: Dont leave me now
Friend: Cunt
Friend: Oh
Friend: SHit
Friend: The level isnt done??
Friend: WDF
Friend: OH FUCK I HAVE TO FLING
Friend: FUCK I DIED AND DIDNE SAVE
Friend: Oh wait yes I didn
Friend: did*
Friend: Omfg this is so simple
Friend: But so incredible annoying
Friend: FUCK
Friend: Omgh
Friend: I have finished
Friend: YES
Friend: My god
Friend: GAH FUCK
Friend: Dude this is so gay
Friend: AYy I passed the green ball of death
Friend: Wtf was that
Tapp: lol, back]
Friend: hah got it
Tapp: what r u up to?
Friend: Oh shit its a room fo fucking fire
Friend: WTF
Friend: HAX
Friend: CHEAT
Tapp: LOOOOOOOL
Friend: DEHWO(R&*#)(* FFFFFFUUUUUUUUU
Tapp: OMG I soooo badly wish I could see ur face right now
Tapp: 'goodbye'
Friend: fuck
Friend: fuck fuck fuck
Tapp: fuckfuckfuck
Friend: Oh look I died
Tapp: wait, you fucked that bit up?
Friend: Hah im aliv
Friend: "What are you doing
Friend: Stop it"!
Tapp: do you like parties?
Friend: What a bitch
Friend: "We are pleased that you made it through the final challenge, when we pretended we were going to murder you"
Friend: Dont say anything
Friend: Im not past that quote
Friend: Oh shit what do I do
Tapp: ur mostly on ur own now
Friend: But I like liter- maybe I can fling
Tapp: the previous 3 have left hints, follow them
Friend: Fukc yeah I flung@
Tapp: *high five
Tapp high fives Friend
Friend: Speedy thing goes in, speedy thing comes out
Tapp: that's what she said
Friend: Why is this place empty
Friend: Wtf are these workers doing
Friend: "Ill just leave valuable equipment hanging around"
Tapp: you'll realise soon enough
Friend: OMG
Friend: I remember this level
Friend: Im looking through a window
Friend: I bet thats where the bitch with the mic was
Friend: fuckong shore
Friend: fucking whore*
Friend: What is Black mesa
Tapp: wut
Tapp: why do you need to know?
Friend: Aperture competeing with black mesa
Friend: Its on a slideshow in this room
Tapp: blackmesa is an underground facility currently working on military weapons and teleportation
Friend: ohk
Tapp: they accidentally started the alien apocalypse
Tapp: read: hl2
Tapp: *half life
Friend: LOL
Tapp: yeh, the gman was like "I'm bored, let's break the world"
Friend: Im not even going the right way
Friend: Wtf
Friend: According to her
Tapp: you should have turned left before
Tapp: it's funny, actually, when you think about it
Friend: The cake is a lie the cake is a lie the cake is a lie
Friend: Uuhh
Friend: Im in a box room
Friend: Where the box is supposed to go
Friend: Oh no somebody cut my cake
Tapp: oh no!
Tapp: I told them not to, but they cut it anyway
Friend: Oh shit something big is going to go down
Tapp: Yeh, my dad is kicking me off
Friend: Awwwww
Friend: Sif
Tapp: I've got 5 mins
Friend: I would finish if I knw how
Tapp: no worries, I've lolled enough tonight
Friend: Wth is all thsi the cake is a lie crap
Friend: I get it, its a lie
Friend: Dont bloody spam it
Tapp: well the cake was the sole reason u were doing this
Friend: Wow
Friend: Who the hell would put their life on the line for cake
Tapp: they didn't know it was their life
Tapp: it's called lampshading
Tapp: oh hey, you got the partygoer achievement
Friend: Wait what
Tapp: I just checked, and you got it
Friend: What is it?
Tapp: you get it for making the correct escort position decision
Friend: Wtf does that mean
Tapp: "lie down on the floor, with your hands at your sides. A party associate will be dispatched to take you to your party"
Friend: How did I do that?
Tapp: by dieing
Friend: LOL
Friend: :D
Friend: Twas a good idea, yeah
Friend: dude im stuck
Friend: Wtf do I do
Friend: Im in the room with the 5 pillard
Friend: That like rise up to the roof
Tapp: what?
Tapp: oh
Friend: I just got to the top little room
Tapp: there's an exit near the top of the room
Friend: HAAAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH
Friend: DUDE
Tapp: ?
Friend: "Remember when i was all like im going to throw you in to the pit of fire, and you were al like "NO WAY"
Tapp: and I was all like 'we pretended we were going to murder you'
Tapp: "that was great"
Tapp: bye
Friend: hehehe
Friend: Oh wait
Friend: nooo

Friend: Are you logging?
Tapp: yep
Tapp: just keep narrating
Friend: lame
Friend: No
Tapp: but don't pause at the end
Tapp: whatever you do
Tapp: it fucks up
Tapp: so when the game ends
Friend: But your dad will be on
Tapp: DON'T PAUSE
Tapp: no he won't
Friend: WHo will be on then?
Tapp: I'll just leave it in the backround
Tapp: nobody
Friend: oh
Friend: So who is using the comp
Friend: and why do you have to get off?
Tapp: nobody

Friend: FUCK THESE POLES
Tapp: lol
Tapp: just remember, do not pause at the end
Friend: WHy?
Friend: Ha yes I got through these long poles
Friend: Still on?
Friend: Dang toxic water
Friend: Dude im just too pro
Friend: DUDE WHAT THE FUCK
Friend: ARE WITH THESE LITTLE GUN THINGS
Friend: FFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Friend: RAGE
Friend: RAGE
Friend: RAGE
Friend: RAGE
Friend: RAGE
Friend: HAHA FUCK YES KILLED EM
Friend: sHaha this gun isnt working
Friend: What a little bitch
Friend: It can still speak though
Friend: "Whos there"
Friend: OMG A RADIO
Friend: Ew, jumping down in to a room with a gun
Friend: This seems REALLY safe
Friend: What could possible go wrong
Friend: hm
Friend: Nothing much apperently
Friend: Oh hey
Friend: Did you know
Friend: The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie The cake is a lie
Friend: I fling I win
Friend: Thats just how I roll
Friend: ANd btw
Friend: How the fuck am I meant to know when the end is going to come
Friend: I think im at the end
Friend: No talking from me
Friend: no[e
Friend: Nope
Friend: Whoa fuck
Friend: MISSILE
Friend: FUCK DUCK
Friend: OH DANG AM I GOOD OR AM I GOOD
Friend: Ew im stuck
Friend: HAAAHAHA YES YES YES YES YES
Friend: I USED A CHAIR TO GET IN TO THE AIR DUCT
Friend: BOOYAH!
Friend: THATS HOW WE ROLL IN THE SHIRE BITCH
Tapp: shhh, I've snuck on
Friend: Sick one bro
Tapp: when you reach the end, it'll turn into a cutscene
Friend: ohk
Friend: Ew im in slimy sewwrage
Tapp: once you can't move, stop pausing
Tapp: oh, this bit
Tapp: get ready
Friend: k
Friend: Dude
Friend: I went in to a room
Friend: And 3 doors fucking opend
Friend: to reveal 3 guns
Friend: It was like
Tapp: yeh, I saw in teh log
Friend: "FWIEND? FWIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNDDDDDD!!!!"
Tapp: yeh, I fucked up the first time too
Friend: Oh shiiiit guuuns WTF WTF
Tapp: it's to introduce you to time pressure
Friend: dude what the fuck
Tapp: ?
Friend: Do I have to kill them all?
Friend: And how far in am I to this level thing
Tapp: not necessarily
Tapp: you're pretty far in
Tapp: pretty close
Tapp: <half an hour imo
Friend: half hour til I finish??
Tapp: less
Tapp: prob 20 mins
Friend: WHat the FUCK
Friend: What happened to the "I could finish this game in a 2 hour run"
Friend: Its been like 3-4 hours
Tapp: or 10, depends how good u r
Tapp: the first time is hard
Tapp: I'm just saying that *I* could do it in 2hours
Friend: oh you bitch!
Tapp: have you really hated this game that much?
Friend: No
Tapp: then why so mad?
Friend: Well they are all dead
Friend: the guns I mean
Tapp: cool
Friend: Now what
Friend: Oh wait
Friend: one more
Tapp: now, there is an exit near the roof
Tapp: tell me what happens
Friend: ah I see it
Friend: I can do this shit easy
Tapp: *muffled laugh*
Tapp waits for it
Friend: Shit I missed
Tapp: ...
Friend: I know what to do

Friend: I just miss the portal
Friend: Dude wtf
Friend: I was falling and the wall grabbed me
Friend: I stopped falling and lost momentum
Friend: Right this is it
Friend: final jump DONT MISS
Tapp: miss
Friend: FFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU
Friend: I didnt fling far enough
Tapp: lol
Tapp: yknow how I posted the log on teh interwebs?
Tapp: you should see the responses
Friend: Yes
Friend: IN a mo
Tapp: "I read it all. and loled."
Friend: I saw that one
Tapp: "you have to do this again for portal 2"
Friend: HAAHAHA YES I DID IT
Friend: YOU ALL THOUGHT I COULDNT DO IT!
Tapp: LOL
Friend: OH SHIT GUNS
Tapp: wait for it...
Friend: DA FUCK
Tapp: LOOOL!
Friend: Ha their dead
Tapp: damn
Friend: they're
Tapp: ur too gud
Friend: Thats right, I am
Tapp: damn, I've been caught
Tapp: I will attempt further contact in the future
Tapp: live long a prosper
Friend: Wait wait

Friend: Oh you have actually been caught
Friend: IRL
Friend: k
Friend: Gnight
Tapp: night
Tapp: good luck
Friend: I r stuck nao D:

What hilarious things have friends of yours done on their first time playing a game?
EDIT:extended log
 
Last edited:
Apr 19, 2009
4,460
1,722
i-lold-gorilla1.jpg
 

FaTony

Banned
Mar 25, 2008
901
160
...That's why I never talk to anyone while playing single player. You f*cking spoiled all the fun for him. Also, it's bas to laugh at mentally ill people.
 

Tapp

L10: Glamorous Member
Jan 26, 2009
776
215
...That's why I never talk to anyone while playing single player. You f*cking spoiled all the fun for him. Also, it's bas to laugh at mentally ill people.

Except for one or two points, it was more so teasing than spoiling. We're considering, for hl2, running fraps and recording his voice, then converting the audio to subtitles.
 

Limesimme

L1: Registered
Dec 23, 2008
27
31
I had almost similar reactions when I played for the first time, I just completed the whole game yesterday (played halfway through before on a crappy computer), shit was so cash :D
 

LordNor

L3: Member
Jun 24, 2009
134
15
classy game