72hr The tragic tale of the Pain Train 2016-07-22

A story of how the Pain Train came to be.

  1. ٠•● Zester
    Want to know how the Pain Train came into this game? [Not really] this is the story for you.

Recent Reviews

  1. Muddy
    Muddy
    4/5,
    Version: 2016-07-22
    This one had a couple moments that made me laugh! I noticed there were a lot of places where you used commas when you should've used full-stops or some other kind of punctuation - for instance, this sentence:

    "Well as I'm the one telling the story, JUST WAIT AND READ, Calm down narrator, calm down, Anyway our story begin in the badlands of the America Frontier,"

    It reads like one long sentence filled with short pauses. I would've written it like this:

    "Well as I'm the one telling the story, JUST WAIT AND READ! Calm down narrator, calm down. Anyway our story begin in the Badlands of the American Frontier..."

    Anyway, with practice I'm sure you'll get better. Keep it up!
    1. ٠•● Zester
      Author's Response
      Well, thank you, your advice is quite helpful, I shall use it