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72hr Jam 2022 Medic's Bizzare Adventure


Medic's Bizzare Adventure
It was a dark night on 2fort. In fact it was so dark that i have no idea why the fuck i'm describing how dark it is.
I mean it's kinda obvious that it was dark. It was night after all. So: It was a night on 2fort. A heavy main walked out of the spawn, but then realized that heavy mains don't exist and disappeared, leaving medic, who was right next to him, very confused.
"This must be the work of an enemy stand!"-Medic shouted, as he ran away in fear. The direction he ran in was the one leading to the enemy base. While running, he looked at the bridge. It was full of sticky bombs. He ran in anyway. Everything exploded. The enemy demoman laughed. But as smoke disappeared, he spotted that medic was still alive.
"What?! How did my sticky bombs not blow you up?"-The demo asked.
"You see, life is like a bowl of soup. You only get blown if you're hot."-Medic said as he adjusted his cap menacingly.
Demoman attempted to hit him with a bottle, but medic said that attempting to do something is for roleplaying pussies and that this is a PVP realm so he just hit him with his ubersaw right in his dick. But then demoman laughed again.
"Killer Queen has already touched that door knob."-he said.
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABO-"-Medic shouted at him, but was unable to finish his sentence, because everything exploded. Medic's limbs went flying into the air. But demoman was still alive somehow. Then a heavy, who was threatned to be votekicked if he dosen't switch class from sniper ran in.
The heavy started crying as he saw Medic's leg fall onto his arms. But then a skeleton popped out and killed him.
Hearing explosions, a RED Demoman, equipped with a Half-Zatoichi and a BLU Spy with a revolver ran in.
"I know what you're here for: YOU'RE A BAD GUY! Here to kill me and my friends!"-said the Demo when he met the Spy.
"How did you figure that out?"-asked the Spy.
"Why, you're smoking a cigarette of course! Smoking is VERY BAD! How much is Dio paying you to smoke, HUH?!"-Asked Demo, somehow sounding French.
"Listen i have no idea what the fuck you're talking about."-truthfully said the Spy and just tried to shoot the probably crazy Demo.
"Ha ha! I expected you to do that!"-Demo said, as he readied his blade in order to block the bullet that was coming towards him.
But the cruel reality was that bullets are too fast for him to even finish his sentence, so got hit right in his head and died. Yeah.
The spy, seeing the fall of the Demo, picked up a sandvich that the Heavy, who was killed by the skeleton had.
"What a beautiful 2fort *chew*. This feels like a picnic *CHEW*. There's no other place as pretty as this fort *CHEWWWW*."-Said the Spy.
But then he saw a RED Pyro appear behind him.
"AVDOL!"-The Spy shouted for some reason.
"Tsk Tsk NO I'M NOT I HAVE NO IDEA WHO THE FUCK IS AVDOL! Tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk"-The Pyro responded and burned spy to his death.
A BLU Soldier ran in, disturbed by all the shouting.
"Ha ha! So we finally meet!"-Said the Soldier, as he fired a rocket in Pyro's direction.
And then the pyro deflected the rocket and Soldier was blown away. He acknowledged that these were his final moments, and started to think about his family. Then he realized that because of that he dosen't have the time to shoot his last rocket, because he has a giant hole in his body, and should be killed by that alone to be honest, but somehow wasn't and he wasted his last moments on thinking. So he died. Then the Pyro wanted to laugh at how easy that was, but realized that he dosen't have that taunt and started complaining at Valve's decision to make him buy the ability to laugh.
Pyro was enraged. He was so mad, that he decided to fuck all this fighting and just go buy some ice cream. He knew, that a friendly Sniper owned a ice cream booth nearby. He went there, but on his way suddenly he was surrounded by fog. He took a deep breath and it disappeared.
"That was pretty weird."-he thought. As he approached the booth, he saw a old woman, that has passed out.
Pyro was like "i don't give a fuck" and just asked Sniper for the ice cream.
"What flavor?"-Sniper asked, as he required that information in order to serve him ice cream.
"Vanilla ice cream, please."-Pyro responded, as he saw a weird tiny dwarf in heavy armor in the corner of his eye, shouting something about casuals.
"VANILLA ICEU!"-Sniper shouted, as a giant man appeared right behind Pyro.
"CREAM!"-These were the last words Pyro heard, because he was disintegrated. Only his hands were left intact. French sobbing could be heard from a distance. Could it be? Yes. It was the Demo with the french accent. Apparently the bullet hit only the top of his head or something, idk. There he was, charging, wielding his Half-Zatoichi he tried to cut the giant man in half. But since he has the power to disintegrate everything that touches him, the blade shared the same fate as Pyro. Wouldn't it be just absurd, if it actually hurt that guy? So the demoman was left without his sword. Great job fam. And so, Demo ran away. At least that's what the man thought. In reality, Demoman had a plan. A few hours later a giant fucking airplane dropped on the ice cream booth. Vanilla Ice was crushed by it.
"No plane crash can kill Tavish DeGroot!"-These were the last words of the Demoman. Apparently a plane crash could kill him. Life's cruel fam. But the biggest tragedy of all: Sniper's ice cream booth was destroyed. He heard the name "DeGroot". He knows that there is 1 member of that family left: DIO...man DeGroot. Yes. Of course. Apparently he is located in Egypt. And so: The angriest australian in the world goes to cp_egypt to punch a scottish man in the face.
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Amazing, Very Well Written.